Comments on: Special Blog Post! Advice from a Single Dating Expert’s Girlfriend

By: Alison

Alison — Wed, 29 Oct 2008 21:26:58 +0000

I agree with Kate.

I’m also left wondering where I’m going ‘wrong’, as I’m pretty sure that I don’t cry wolf, act ‘crazy’ with men, etc.

By: Evan Marc Katz

Evan Marc Katz — Tue, 28 Oct 2008 02:28:51 +0000

Why does a partner need to “handle” me, Kate? Well, because I’m a piece of work. I’m opinionated, condescending, difficult, moody, neurotic, anxious and insecure. This doesn’t deny some of my other charms; it just acknowledges that I, and you, and everyone else brings baggage to the table.

I am extremely grateful that she has the wisdom to focus on my strengths, rather than my weaknesses. Most of my other girlfriends did not.

So instead of painting this as “Evan’s giving advice to tell women to be passive and accept disloyal men”, try looking at it through a different prism. Nowhere did I say to put up with cheating men. All I said was to choose your battles. As they say, “Would you rather be right, or would you rather get along?”

My girlfriend believes in getting along. And while you can claim that this merely “prolongs” male interest, as if it’s some sort of game, you’re missing the fundamental point - it makes me appreciate her and love her even more. When something’s important to her, I know it, and I make every effort to honor her desires. This is BECAUSE of her even temperament, not in spite of it. Her generosity inspires me to be the same way.

Women come here to listen to a smart, straight, successful man explain what men are thinking. Feel free to ignore me or disagree with me all you want. It’s a free country.

All I know is that my girlfriend and I are getting married on Saturday. So clearly, this “game” she’s playing worked on at least one of us. And I sense that if you become more patient, accepting, and easygoing, it will work for you, too. This does not mean to deal with a liar, cheater or a deadbeat. It just means finding ways to say “yes” instead of always laying down your rules and then being shocked when men don’t want to play by them.

Thanks for your contribution. We may disagree, but the conversation is valuable.

Now I’m off to practice my vows.

Good night.

Evan

By: Kate

Kate — Tue, 28 Oct 2008 02:02:14 +0000

Someone needs to acknowledge the truth of Jane Hurley’s insight, posts #6 and #7. Dating advice does not have to teach women to manage men’s superior natures. Notice Evan’s introduction to his girlfriend: “what makes her so unusual is that she handles me perfectly.” Why does a partner need to handle you, Evan? Are men the dominant partners, and women must learn to accommodate men’s personalities to win their devotion? Your girlfriend admits she has “learned” how to manage men. She admits to innate behavior that plagues most of your readers: she was “a slave to my emotions” and used to “unleash the crazy” on men. But those men who defined women as “crazy” instead of understandably upset became her gold standard. This is the male perspective of female reaction, as she learned from others. She has studied the male reaction and changed her responses to prolong male interest.
Your responses to us are increasingly weary, impatient, and mildly contemptuous of women who react with understandable hurt and shock to men who were once loyal to them.
Are you sincerely trying to teach us how to escape from some men’s nasty behavior, as in “he does it because you allow him to do it” ? Or are you trying to teach women how to “win” boyfriends by changing their innate reactions, as your girlfriend exemplifies?
Are there other readers who want a more balanced approach to relationships than this “how to please a man” approach?

By: Mya

Mya — Fri, 10 Oct 2008 20:05:06 +0000

Way to go Girl..
Loved the post..

By: Ashlee

Ashlee — Thu, 20 Mar 2008 22:43:24 +0000

Your girlfriend is truly insightful. Kudos to you both for having such a healthy, balanced relationship. You both should think about psychology.

By: Eric

Eric — Fri, 14 Sep 2007 22:11:48 +0000

Eric…

I have a thing for women with authority. I believe in equality in relationships. A chick who is too passive, who never takes charge of a situation and who waits for me to make all the decisions make…

By: Hely

Hely — Wed, 12 Sep 2007 06:12:02 +0000

Thank you!!! great advise!
Im so glad for both of you guys.. i totally agree with everyone here when i say it looks like your perfect for each other!
Relationships are about compromise for both parts and when/if we want to make them work we have to try to give the best of us.
Best wishes to you both!

By: Blowme A Kisswhileyourleavin

Blowme A Kisswhileyourleavin — Tue, 11 Sep 2007 04:20:32 +0000

GREAT article, very well written, and AMEN SISTER!!

We as women dont want to hear the that we are snotty, bitchy, and petty like we sometimes can be. We all need to stop and think..Who wants to be around someone that is so much work! Attitude is EVERYTHING!! In my experience, when we as women we are treated with the love, honor and the respect we deserve we in turn reciprocate. I know we all as women have our moments of insecure insanity! And lets face it, we all make our mistakes. Know your mistake, admit to it, apologize for it and move on!! One thing we cant deny is that our lives are littered with small stuff… the key is how to work out the small stuff respectfully. Thank you girlfriend!!

By: Joseph Patrick Floyd

Joseph Patrick Floyd — Fri, 07 Sep 2007 18:33:56 +0000

This is a very insightful blog and extremely well written by the “girlfriend”. I do believe that it takes both people in a relationship to make it work and the onus should be equally held. It is great to hear an intelligent woman’s point of view and although one person complained that the girlfriend was giving in too much, I do not see her as an impuissant mate at all. I actually see her as a very reasonable person who would like to express her amative feelings towards Evan without sweating the “small stuff”. Relationships definitely take work and it is refreshing to see that there are other people out there who know how to make it work without sacrificing who they are and what they believe. Thanks for sharing this with people!

By: Lisa Marie

Lisa Marie — Tue, 04 Sep 2007 21:40:12 +0000

Evan’s girlfriend aka “soulmate”… your advice is invigorating, and hopefully, this advice will be virally spread for many men, not only women to read and apply. Although, it takes two partners to be fully committed in a relationship, and being “secure” with themselves, is what I’ve come to find. I know you and Evan are and congratulations for finding one another! I truly enjoyed your advice, especially naming your “Mulligans”! Us women do need to bite our tongues and decide if it’s worthwhile, and vent to our wonderful friends more often for that special one… if we’ve found him. Thanks for sharing your special thoughts and experiences! Another single woman seeking “my” Mr. Right.