moon

Adultery is defined as, the sex act of, either one or both partners married(not to each other), engaging in sexual intercourse.

While this information may be wise to obtain for women seeking an LTR & an efficient way to get there, my suspicion is that this “30 second clarification” raised on a first date would lead in to a significant percentages of first dates also being the last date; Or if “clarified” prior to acceptance of a first date, would lead to a cancellation of the first date in a significant percentage of cases. I suspect that in this modern dating environment where women go out with men who picked them up; or have casually met, that women will just have to put the time in to find out what that man is truly like and run those risks (or go back to introductions from trusted friends, relatives and associates).

..good posts, my applause!…

Apparently there are a few girls capable of what Evan says guys do, but my guess is only a very very few, and half of those girls are lying to themselves. That’s what makes the whole idea so successful. There may actually only be a smallish portion of men who act this way, but they are quite active and are a real factor in the prolific dating scene of the 21st century. I happen to think there are plenty of guys who don’t think that just dating for the sake of sexual activity is okay if it’s going to hurt someone’s feelings… they just don’t need to date as often because they actually want to get to know that first awesome girl they take out. This is really important to point out, because otherwise a girl could come away from this post feeling pretty bleak about the goodness of most men.

What Evan is saying is that on one hand you have girls, and sometimes guys too, who are having a fabulous time on a date because they are so excited that they’ve finally met someone who’s smart, funny, polite, sexy, a good listener, and who would be a great person to have around in life; while on the other hand you have some guys (and a very very few girls) who are having just as much of a fabulous time, and seem to be just as giddy, for the simple reason that they see a decent likelihood of having sex, maybe even that night. Apparently the likelihood of having sex is so intoxicating that the mere thought makes everything that happens that evening just delightful. These guys tell themselves that they are not being shallow because if the girl puts out for a few months without expecting to hear from him very often, he is reserving the right eventually to have feelings for her – this is called the “grey” area. This is also called “just being a guy.”

Part of me can’t decide if I – a single girl looking for a real connection – really want to know this. The next time I’m out with an attractive guy who is just effortlessly beaming at every word I say, I’ll have the insider’s knowledge not to take this necessarily as a special moment in my life. Sure, it could be that he feels he’s found his new best friend. It could also be that he’s just sublimely psyched to get laid. If the prospect is that all-consuming, then I guess I can see why it would take no pretending at all to display such excitement.

Evan mentions that guys and girls seem to be having a lot more sex with strangers. Call me crazy, but that doesn’t seem like such a good thing. I think there are a lot of fair reasons for it – girls are more liberated and there’s less stigma for a woman to be sexually active (and amen to that). Also, people are waiting much longer to get married, which means a lot more time to figure out what they’re looking for in and out of bed. It also means a lot more time and a lot more women with which men can practice the art of the delightfully meaningless date. I just don’t think many women have caught up with that idea yet – after all, the pill has only been around for about 50 years. Before then, we couldn’t afford to take the risk of falling for meaningless delight. That’s nice that now we can control the physical risks of sex with someone who’s on the way out the door – but we still need to account for the emotional risks, which are much more real for women than men (read up on oxytocin, girls). Maybe men would have to be more grounded in what they expect out of a date if the likelihood of sex with no strings wasn’t so high, and if women would wise up and get back to the practice of not hooking up with guys they might fall for unless they’ve gotten some commitment (in other words, Evan’s readership needs to skyrocket). This doesn’t mean undoing the feminist movement and saying no to sex, it just means taking 30 seconds to clarify that neither of the two involved will be seeing other people.

Meanwhile, I think it would be an impressive next step in the evolutionary process if these sex-addicted guys would leave their caves and join modern men who see women as fellow modern human beings and not just heartless pairs of boobs. And to the nice guys who get this already: stop high-fiving your buddy who just bagged the nice cute girl who adores him. He’s a prick. You know you don’t want to be him. Maybe you should tell him so.