Comments on: Am I Crazy For Wanting To Dump The Amazing Man Who Bores Me?

By: Bitter and twisted

Bitter and twisted — Wed, 06 Aug 2008 13:38:27 +0000

Well I dated the nice guy for a year. I kept thinking “he has the whole package” but something just didn’t feel right. I was heading for 30 and thought I could make it work. Well, he broke up with me because he felt like I was trying to change him. He hates me now, he completely resents how I treated him. He knows I never loved him and he left me for a “nice” girl. Believe me, nice guys are just as bad as bad boys (except less exciting) when they don’t love you any more. Boy did I learn my lesson. I will never settle again and will only pursue a relationship if I am absolutely sure of my feelings as well as his.

By: Jenny

Jenny — Fri, 07 Sep 2007 03:54:49 +0000

I married the nice guy, I probly jumped to fast having had two young kids. My kids would ask for a daddy for xmas, I felt pressure at 26 to marry, and felt old for my age having been a mom at 17. I dated alot of mr.wrongs, no job, handsome and they knew it arseholes. I was looking for a nice guy, I found him, then I was attracted to him, now 9 yrs later he let himself go, I just left him for lack of attraction and his constant yelling and complaining and other reasons.. We grew apart, were more friends then lovers. Now the last thing I want is just nice, there has to be a strong physical attraction too. By physical attraction I dont mean drop dead gorgious, you have to find something about him sexy, his smile his eyes, something…Dont marry or settle if you arent 100% in love and lust…I married the first good one that came along and although were friends and he is still a father figure to my girls, I didnt marry my mr. right. You say you can live or without a man, so can we all, but at sometime you have to want to lean on him or you wont every be happy married, you have to give up some of that independence to be a couple. You sound like I did when I married though, I settled, dont do it if your that unsure and doing it because he is so into you, DONT….You have to be happy first before the kids or him. I use to fall for a guy just because he was good with my kids, ohhh he would be a good dad, DONT…Yah that is important to, but you have to sleep with this guys for the rest of your life. I knew when I couldnt say I wanted to be with him FOREVER that he wasnt the man for me, I should be able to say that about someone I am married too…I was happier when he wasnt home then I was with him home, I needed my space and he wanted to be together 24/7. He took offense to the fact that I always liked my space and figured I didnt want to be with him, no I like my alone time, always have…I am a night owl he was a day person, so I stayed up all night to get my alone time…I left home at 15 and raised myself and mom at 17, I was use to my independence and alone time, not that I was ever single for long, but always my own boss, being married and giving up your independence is tough, now I am trying to learn how to be independent again, having just left husband a week ago after 9 yrs, its tough..Good luck, but dont settle just because he is a good guy, lots of them around, you need to know down deep he is the one, he makes your toes curl when he kisses you, cant wait to here from him, not thinking oh god he is calling again….

By: JuJu

JuJu — Thu, 06 Sep 2007 02:46:35 +0000

[Excessive] niceness has nothing to do with it, actually. If you were crazy about him, there is nothing you would want more than all this attention. But physically you aren’t particularly attracted, intellectually you aren’t stimulated, the sex is only tepid (and that’s in the very beginning of a relationship when things are usually at their most passionate) - ask yourself, can you see a future with this man?

There you go.

By: Aliza

Aliza — Thu, 06 Sep 2007 01:53:06 +0000

And let me add….I’ve been married three times. Not sure I want to do that again!

By: Aliza

Aliza — Thu, 06 Sep 2007 01:52:33 +0000

Loved this post - it’s me, except I have just one child! And I’ll be 50 on my next birthday!
By now, I’ve come to enjoy any free time I get. Yes, it’s nice to have someone to do things with. But I need my space (ah - how many times has that been said to ME!?) too.
The guy in question lives, literally, next door - in the next apartment building. He is a couple of years older, never married. He’s a sweetie pie, for sure - and adores my 11 year old daughter too. But, and here’s the rub - do I even want a relationship right now? What do I expect to get out of a relationship? A friend? Someone to do things with? Sex? Is it worth “giving up” my “me” time?
Sigh………

By: Evan Marc Katz

Evan Marc Katz — Wed, 05 Sep 2007 18:53:25 +0000

I didn’t say that women in their 40’s are yesterday’s news.
I didn’t say that you don’t have more to offer.
I did say that there are a lot fewer options due to the (perhaps unfair) preferences at men.

It is not being insensitive to point out something factual. There was no judgment on my part. Just an observation about men.

See today’s blog post for more: Why Reality Sucks, Fantasy Rules and My Advice Might Get You Angry.

By: Ruby

Ruby — Wed, 05 Sep 2007 18:24:20 +0000

Hey, Evan,

Good advice, but what;s up with the comment, “Suitors will continue to line up well into your 30’s”. After that, what, she’ll be yesterday’s news? As an attractive woman over 40, I’m offended by this. Perhaps we’re not as “marketable” to as many men as we were in our twenties, but it doesn’t mean that it’s all over either. In some ways, I know that I’ve got more to offer a man now, than I did when I was in my twenties. Please be a little more sensitive.

By: Jessie

Jessie — Sat, 25 Aug 2007 12:22:02 +0000

Jessie…

Next time, you may want to elaborate a little more….

By: christian parenting

christian parenting — Thu, 23 Aug 2007 07:28:47 +0000

christian parenting…

I just came upon this website via the blogging baby website. Interesting post. This could have easily been written by me (with just a change or two). Funny to read another story that is so similar to my own….

By: mrs. vee

mrs. vee — Wed, 08 Aug 2007 21:58:33 +0000

…And after all that, I have just roundly scolded myself for giving advice that, if I’d followed, I wouldn’t be with my husband today. So, to not be a complete hypocrite, let me briefly share with you that I didn’t initially think my better half was my type either. The passion was always there from the very beginning whenever things got physical between us, but, early on, I felt like I could walk all over him if I wanted to. I had major doubts and tried breaking it off with him twice, thinking that it was the fair thing to do for him. Each time I let him go, he took it graciously and nevertheless persisted after me.

Because I thought he was a good guy, I made a genuine effort to stay his friend. Then, one month in and two dumpings later, we planned a night out that
involved our friends. On that outing, I saw how relaxed funny and and confident he was with any person other than me, I realized that I just made him nervous. We continued doing things with people in our social circles, and gradually he totally relaxed around me even when we were on or own. I fell in love with him, and it really wasn’t just me “letting him in” either. He truly managed to surpass every expectation, and it was head over heels type of love. And I say with a smile on my face that today he’s squarely in the driver’s seat in our relationship. I still feel a lot of heat towards him to this day. So who knows? Perhaps the lesson here is that you may one day see a different side of your man if he’s put in a different situation. Maybe he just needs the opportunity to rise to a challenge in front of you before you see his true stripes. The thing to not to miss here, though, is that the butterflies and crazy-in-love feelings eventually did surface in me. You keep an eye out for them too, dear.