Comments on: My Boyfriend Won’t Stop Talking About His Ex-Girlfriend! http://www.advicefromasingledatingexpert.com/my-boyfriend-keeps-talking-about-his-ex/ Because who knows more about dating than a guy who's still dating? Thu, 20 Nov 2008 22:49:06 +0000 http://wordpress.org/?v=2.6.3 By: tastycake http://www.advicefromasingledatingexpert.com/my-boyfriend-keeps-talking-about-his-ex/#comment-17927 tastycake Tue, 18 Nov 2008 19:40:04 +0000 http://www.advicefromasingledatingexpert.com/my-boyfriend-keeps-talking-about-his-ex/#comment-17927 well, i have been dating a wonderful guy for two years. it really bothers me that he mentions his ex (only one in particular). he says that she went in this store and spent $1,000, or the last time i was here i went with her and she drove. i know he doesnt mean to upset me but its almost like she is the perfect girl....but she cheated on him. it doesnt help that her parents are rich and live at a lake house. they only dated for a month but i still wonder if he didnt get completly over her. well, i have been dating a wonderful guy for two years. it really bothers me that he mentions his ex (only one in particular). he says that she went in this store and spent $1,000, or the last time i was here i went with her and she drove. i know he doesnt mean to upset me but its almost like she is the perfect girl….but she cheated on him. it doesnt help that her parents are rich and live at a lake house. they only dated for a month but i still wonder if he didnt get completly over her.

]]> By: MR http://www.advicefromasingledatingexpert.com/my-boyfriend-keeps-talking-about-his-ex/#comment-12394 MR Mon, 11 Aug 2008 20:30:18 +0000 http://www.advicefromasingledatingexpert.com/my-boyfriend-keeps-talking-about-his-ex/#comment-12394 Some excerpts from the email the EX sent to my boyfriend few months ago: is that i get to feeling like i miss hanging out with you and stuff... and then i feel like i'd leave justin for you if i could...but i dunno... maybe it's just that i miss the social aspects of dating you.. Some excerpts from the email the EX sent to my boyfriend few months ago:

is that i get to feeling like i miss hanging out with you and stuff… and then i feel like i’d leave justin for you if i could…but i dunno… maybe it’s just that i miss the social aspects of dating you..

]]> By: P http://www.advicefromasingledatingexpert.com/my-boyfriend-keeps-talking-about-his-ex/#comment-10669 P Tue, 15 Jul 2008 17:52:25 +0000 http://www.advicefromasingledatingexpert.com/my-boyfriend-keeps-talking-about-his-ex/#comment-10669 I have read the earlier comments, and I both agree and disagree with Evan's advice. We all have pasts, and it is important for our partners to understand our background, and our significant relationships, in order to understand us. We also want to be able to connect the dots and determine how our partners arrived at the point in time in which they are with us. It may be important to listen to what may have been good or bad about the former relationships, and especially why they did not work out. However, if I love someone, I want to believe that my relationship with that person is unique and special. I don't want to share it with a former boyfriend, or feel that I am replicating an experience that my partner shared earlier with someone else, or that I am being compared to another man - except favorably. And, I particularly don't want to discuss former sexual experiences. They are not very interesting to your partner, and you risk corroding the intimacy in your current relationship. So, while it is important for both partners to understand one another's relationship history, they should use discretion. Both partners also should be sensitive to one another's feelings about discussing former relationships. Some people or events you may not mind hearing about, and others you would rather not. Is it necessary to share that you went to the same four star restaraunt with another man last year? You also might ask yourself why you feel the need to discuss former relationships with your current partner. Sometimes our motivations in discussing former relationships also may not be apparent to us. We could be motivated by insecurity, or a desire to mold our current relationship into something else. Also, even though an issue involving a former partner may be on your mind, it might be better to discuss it with a close friend, rather than your current partner. You may, for example, not want to share your angst about leaving an earlier relationship if that former partner is still present in your life. Unless the former relationship was one of the very few that was significant to me, I would rather not share details about who I dated or whether we slept together. We should be honest with our partners, but I think it also is important to make them feel secure and special. I would prefer to minimize former relationships and focus on the present and future. I have read the earlier comments, and I both agree and disagree with Evan’s advice. We all have pasts, and it is important for our partners to understand our background, and our significant relationships, in order to understand us. We also want to be able to connect the dots and determine how our partners arrived at the point in time in which they are with us. It may be important to listen to what may have been good or bad about the former relationships, and especially why they did not work out.

However, if I love someone, I want to believe that my relationship with that person is unique and special. I don’t want to share it with a former boyfriend, or feel that I am replicating an experience that my partner shared earlier with someone else, or that I am being compared to another man - except favorably. And, I particularly don’t want to discuss former sexual experiences. They are not very interesting to your partner, and you risk corroding the intimacy in your current relationship.

So, while it is important for both partners to understand one another’s relationship history, they should use discretion. Both partners also should be sensitive to one another’s feelings about discussing former relationships. Some people or events you may not mind hearing about, and others you would rather not. Is it necessary to share that you went to the same four star restaraunt with another man last year?

You also might ask yourself why you feel the need to discuss former relationships with your current partner. Sometimes our motivations in discussing former relationships also may not be apparent to us. We could be motivated by insecurity, or a desire to mold our current relationship into something else. Also, even though an issue involving a former partner may be on your mind, it might be better to discuss it with a close friend, rather than your current partner. You may, for example, not want to share your angst about leaving an earlier relationship if that former partner is still present in your life.

Unless the former relationship was one of the very few that was significant to me, I would rather not share details about who I dated or whether we slept together. We should be honest with our partners, but I think it also is important to make them feel secure and special. I would prefer to minimize former relationships and focus on the present and future.

]]> By: pericles http://www.advicefromasingledatingexpert.com/my-boyfriend-keeps-talking-about-his-ex/#comment-8636 pericles Mon, 02 Jun 2008 03:22:11 +0000 http://www.advicefromasingledatingexpert.com/my-boyfriend-keeps-talking-about-his-ex/#comment-8636 I have to wonder if this is largely a function of maturity. The desire to talk about your past a lot, more than once a month, let's say, stems from a variety of factors. One: you're not particularly interested in your present, and whether you realise it or not, you're comparing the present moment to the past and finding that there's something missing from the now you had then--this is a negative comparison, usually. Another might be, you're damned glad you're no longer in your past, and you're reminding the new person how wonderful they are (this is the only valid reason to bring up an ex, by the way). Another might be that you're still fairly immature, and allow others, and your experiences with them, to define you. In this case, by talking about these other people a fair amount, what you'd be telling me is that you are carrying them around with you internally, like shadows or ghosts of the former you, and you're unwilling to let go of the former you. In any of these instances, try living in the now. You'll find you need to discuss people from your past less and less. Doesn't mean you forget them; you just won't need them so much. Developing a very strong sense of self helps too. You find yourself talking about others less, and living your life more. I have to wonder if this is largely a function of maturity. The desire to talk about your past a lot, more than once a month, let’s say, stems from a variety of factors. One: you’re not particularly interested in your present, and whether you realise it or not, you’re comparing the present moment to the past and finding that there’s something missing from the now you had then–this is a negative comparison, usually. Another might be, you’re damned glad you’re no longer in your past, and you’re reminding the new person how wonderful they are (this is the only valid reason to bring up an ex, by the way). Another might be that you’re still fairly immature, and allow others, and your experiences with them, to define you. In this case, by talking about these other people a fair amount, what you’d be telling me is that you are carrying them around with you internally, like shadows or ghosts of the former you, and you’re unwilling to let go of the former you.

In any of these instances, try living in the now. You’ll find you need to discuss people from your past less and less. Doesn’t mean you forget them; you just won’t need them so much. Developing a very strong sense of self helps too. You find yourself talking about others less, and living your life more.

]]> By: hunter http://www.advicefromasingledatingexpert.com/my-boyfriend-keeps-talking-about-his-ex/#comment-7991 hunter Mon, 12 May 2008 04:22:04 +0000 http://www.advicefromasingledatingexpert.com/my-boyfriend-keeps-talking-about-his-ex/#comment-7991 to luvmyprez, that is some bizarre behaviour.....hmmhh... to luvmyprez,

that is some bizarre behaviour…..hmmhh…

]]> By: LuvMyPrez http://www.advicefromasingledatingexpert.com/my-boyfriend-keeps-talking-about-his-ex/#comment-7915 LuvMyPrez Fri, 09 May 2008 18:02:53 +0000 http://www.advicefromasingledatingexpert.com/my-boyfriend-keeps-talking-about-his-ex/#comment-7915 I got my boyfriend to stop talking about his Ex after I gave him butt sex. He did stop coming around after that though. I got my boyfriend to stop talking about his Ex after I gave him butt sex. He did stop coming around after that though.

]]> By: My Boyfriend Won’t Stop Talking About His Ex-Girlfriend! http://www.advicefromasingledatingexpert.com/my-boyfriend-keeps-talking-about-his-ex/#comment-7357 My Boyfriend Won’t Stop Talking About His Ex-Girlfriend! Wed, 23 Apr 2008 05:32:43 +0000 http://www.advicefromasingledatingexpert.com/my-boyfriend-keeps-talking-about-his-ex/#comment-7357 [...] Chandrahas wrote an interesting post today on My Boyfriend Won’t Stop Talking About His Ex-Girlfriend!…Here’s a quick excerpt:I am dating this guy I really like. We have been dating since November of last year. We both believe in being up-front about things so he made it a point to tell me he wanted to take it slow… [[ This is a content summary only. … [...] [...] Chandrahas wrote an interesting post today on My Boyfriend Won’t Stop Talking About His Ex-Girlfriend!…Here’s a quick excerpt:I am dating this guy I really like. We have been dating since November of last year. We both believe in being up-front about things so he made it a point to tell me he wanted to take it slow… [[ This is a content summary only. … [...]

]]> By: Speaking the Same Language | Honey and Lance http://www.advicefromasingledatingexpert.com/my-boyfriend-keeps-talking-about-his-ex/#comment-7346 Speaking the Same Language | Honey and Lance Tue, 22 Apr 2008 20:45:30 +0000 http://www.advicefromasingledatingexpert.com/my-boyfriend-keeps-talking-about-his-ex/#comment-7346 [...] can be a sign that you’re not over the other person). However, as EMK mentions on his blog here, eventually you do have to dish the dirt. Those experiences are a huge part of what makes you, [...] [...] can be a sign that you’re not over the other person). However, as EMK mentions on his blog here, eventually you do have to dish the dirt. Those experiences are a huge part of what makes you, [...]

]]> By: downtowngal http://www.advicefromasingledatingexpert.com/my-boyfriend-keeps-talking-about-his-ex/#comment-7331 downtowngal Tue, 22 Apr 2008 02:36:54 +0000 http://www.advicefromasingledatingexpert.com/my-boyfriend-keeps-talking-about-his-ex/#comment-7331 Jeannie, I think it's the WAY the person discusses an ex. If the ex is mentioned as part of history or if the person you're dating is obsessing over him/her. Frankly I'd want to know about my guy's dating history as it clues me in on his emotional maturity and how he's handled past relationships. But this is the kind of discussion you have only a couple of times as you get to know each other, very different to obsessing over an ex and saying how much you miss him and how you're afraid to move forward with the new guy because the last one hurt you so much. At the end of the day you have to go with your gut. And if your BF's talking about exes bothers you, then communicate your feelings/call him on it. If he still doesn't get it, then that's your red flag. Jeannie, I think it’s the WAY the person discusses an ex. If the ex is mentioned as part of history or if the person you’re dating is obsessing over him/her.

Frankly I’d want to know about my guy’s dating history as it clues me in on his emotional maturity and how he’s handled past relationships. But this is the kind of discussion you have only a couple of times as you get to know each other, very different to obsessing over an ex and saying how much you miss him and how you’re afraid to move forward with the new guy because the last one hurt you so much.

At the end of the day you have to go with your gut. And if your BF’s talking about exes bothers you, then communicate your feelings/call him on it. If he still doesn’t get it, then that’s your red flag.

]]> By: Jeannie http://www.advicefromasingledatingexpert.com/my-boyfriend-keeps-talking-about-his-ex/#comment-7306 Jeannie Mon, 21 Apr 2008 01:29:50 +0000 http://www.advicefromasingledatingexpert.com/my-boyfriend-keeps-talking-about-his-ex/#comment-7306 Evan, writer of 4/10 poses an interesting problem - we all have "pasts" or we haven't really lived:-). But how does one determine when talking about a past love is normal and information sharing, and when it is a red flag that this person still has issues? Evan, writer of 4/10 poses an interesting problem - we all have “pasts” or we haven’t really lived:-). But how does one determine when talking about a past love is normal and information sharing, and when it is a red flag that this person still has issues?

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