Oct10
What Do I Do With a Girlfriend Who Literally Sleeps Around?
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Evan,
Please help me. I have a friend who sleeps with every guy she meets/knows, including my guy friends. The problem is that she literally just sleeps. She prefers to sleep next to a male, so if we are out at a party/bar or at a friend’s place just having drinks, she will start talking to a guy and wind up sleeping in his bed with him. She is always on the prowl for a new relationship and she insists this is a good “test” to see if these guys are genuine, but gets extremely frustrated and angry when the guy starts making moves on her in bed. She is a beautiful girl and wears pretty revealing clothing so she has no problem getting attention from guys, but once she gets them into bed she wants to have these deep conversations with them and then go to sleep. I love hanging out with her but when it comes time to go home I just can’t get her away. I never know what to say to her about it and I really need a male’s point of view on this whole situation. Is this acceptable or is she just being a huge tease?
Sincerely,
Dear Victoria,
You can’t see me right now, but I’m on the 16th floor of the lovely Affinia Hotel in
Now let’s get one thing straight – I don’t think that if a woman comes home with a guy that she is “asking for it”. No one “deserves” sex because he was charming at a bar or paid for a nice meal. On the other hand, there are some basic unwritten societal rules. And it seems that your friend is carrying her very own rulebook and wondering why no one else is playing the same game.
In principle, she remains just. She doesn’t want a man to want her exclusively for her body. But in administering this ridiculous (and somewhat cruel) test, she’s bound to bring out the worst in people. Most of us can recount a long night spent chastely talking to a stranger until the wee hours of the morning. Those evenings are special, and can arise organically from any number of circumstances – a wedding after-party, a party where everyone else has gone to sleep, a red-eye cross-country flight. But to pick up a drunk guy at a bar, go back to his house, and expect him to keep his hands off? Your friend is inviting herself to be assaulted. …
Continued on next page >>Filed Under Dating Tips & Advice, Sex & Relationship Advice
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www.topdatingadvice.info » What Do I Do With a Girlfriend Who Literally Sleeps Around? Oct 11th 2007 at 12:31 am 1
[...] Evan Marc Katz wrote a fantastic post today on “What Do I Do With a Girlfriend Who Literally Sleeps Around?”Here’s ONLY a quick extractEvan, Please help me. I have a friend who sleeps with every guy she meets/knows, including my guy friends. The problem is that she literally just sleeps. She prefers to sleep next to a male, so if we… [[ This is a content summary only … [...]
JimmyE Oct 11th 2007 at 02:56 am 2
I think there’s a good comparison to be made here between previous posts about men who use the promise of commitment in order to get sex, and this woman’s friend, who uses the promise of sex in order to get attention.
Although she may complain taht she never promises anything (just as men never literally promised to commit) she is aware how her actions will be interpreted, and this will get men to behave in a way they otherwise wouldn’t.
In both situations I think there’s a bit of an ego trip going on. Some men like being pursued by women they don’t want a relationship with. Some women like men who they don’t want to sleep with making a pass at them. I certainly wouldn’t take this girls frustration and anger at face value,
lyric Oct 11th 2007 at 10:54 am 3
Victoria your friend is very lucky to have you!
Mr. Katz is right. She’s playing with fire. Good for her that she hasn’t been burned but for how long? Keep in mind though that you can only advice her but not force her to follow. Just do the best that you know how to make her understand the danger without smothering her.
Roger Oct 11th 2007 at 11:26 am 4
All I can say is that it amazes me to what lengths some people will go to get attention. Victoria, your friend is literally being cruel to these guys and playing a rotten mind game just to get attention. Either that, or she is simply so naive she doesn’t know what she’s doing to them. Either way, she should stop immediately.
Selena Oct 11th 2007 at 12:57 pm 5
I agree with the attention-getting aspects of this behavior. Obviously, as “a test” it’s not a successful one in getting a relationship, since it has yet to bring her one.
Victoria, along with explaning Marc’s very real concerns to her, you might point out how this behavior just isn’t working for her in terms of finding a relationship anyway. And also, since it seems she has done this so much, isn’t it only a matter of time for the word to spread about what a tease she is? She might miss out on the great relationship guy simply because he reputation has preceded her.
mike paahana Jan 6th 2008 at 02:53 pm 6
i know my gf fooled around b4 so now i jus have sex with any girl that i want to with an i don’t even feel bad caus its jus about sex