I met a nice guy recently online. We are both out of state and decided to meet. We spent a great weekend together and emailed each other after the weekend. He confirmed that he had a great weekend and wanted to visit me. He also mentioned that he wasn’t sure what the future will hold as it would be good to continue to get to know each other. But here’s the thing: he actually has not called since; just emailed. I’m not sure what to think. He’s often busy, but could he be that busy not to call to check in, or maybe the weekend was not that good and he was just being polite in saying he had a great weekend.

Marcie

Dear Marcie,

Hate to break it to you, but…

You’re the out of town girl.

You’re the woman who is out of sight and out of mind.

You’re the person he doesn’t have to call every day because you’re not close enough to be his girlfriend.

In other words, you’re the perfect woman.

Once again, I speak from experience.

Years ago, when I was working in customer care at JDate (yes, I come from humble origins), I started flirting with a girl who called up to ask some technical question. She was in New York, I was in Los Angeles. We emailed back and forth a few times. We sent a few photos back and forth. We started talking on the phone regularly. Next came phone sex. Next thing you know, she’s flying out to see me.

We had a whirlwind weekend. Beach walks in Venice, shopping on Melrose, long drives on Mulholland, romantic restaurants in Hollywood. It was like a vacation romance. Lots of chemistry, nothing at stake, two young people who can’t keep their hands off each other for 48 hours.

When she got back home, she wanted to continue to talk every day. …

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Dear Evan,

I have seen a lot of interesting questions about dating and the internet. So here is mine: How do you know if this guy that talks to you on the phone for hours every day…and lives overseas…is for real?!?

Let’s see a tell-tale list of signs for women to know when he IS interested. I, like most women, think we have guys figured out but are so wrong most of the time. Men DON’T usually share their feelings or sometimes are afraid to I guess. So we play the "let’s read into everything he does" game.

Keep in mind this is an international relationship and not the boy who lives 30 minutes away and I can meet him anytime.  So how do I know if it’s worth it or if it’s all gonna be like a giant bomb exploding around me because what we have online or the phone just can’t be sustained "in real life". I would like to know what to look for.

thanks,

Charoa

Dear Charoa,

I trust you’re asking me if this relationship is real, as opposed to the person. Because believe me, there are people overseas who are out to scam you out of your money, and you should be aware of that. Generally, scammers will show interest in older women or men who haven’t been getting much attention online. Then, they’ll develop a rapport over a few weeks and ask you to send money. And when you do, you’ll never hear from them again.

I remember one nice Midwestern man calling American Singles customer service (where I was working in 2001) to complain about a Russian woman he had met on the site. Apparently, he had fallen in love with this woman, who, in turn, asked him to send her $2000 so she could move to the United States. There was nothing the site could do – as all they had on her was an email address, a fake name and a cancelled credit card.

But assuming you’re asking me about long-distance relationships, Charoa, yeah, I’ve got a few ideas.

As it stands, I’m driving up to San Francisco in a few minutes. There, I’m going to have breakfast with my little sister who has left New York to move in with her boyfriend that she met on Nerve.com.

My best girl friend from high school has just moved from New York to Baltimore to move in with her fiancé that she met on eHarmony.com.

A woman I briefly dated cross-country who told me she’d never leave New York is now living in Santa Monica with her husband and new baby.

These are real stories of real people who are really close to me.

And yet, I still wouldn’t recommend a long-distance relationship….

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