Oct12
What I Learned From the Pick-Up Artists Who Wrote “The Game”
Pages: 1 2
I finally read Neil Strauss’ "The Game" this past weekend on the plane ride home from New York.
Amazing book. Nearly 400 pages that went down as if they were 100.
If you’re not familiar with this New York Times Bestseller, it’s a non-fiction tale of a bright but nerdy writer who, in investigating the world of underground "pick-up" artists, becomes the Master of all of them. Taught by another self-invented guru named "Mystery", Strauss renames himself "Style" and seduces hundreds of women around the world.
In a bit of random happenstance, I was out with a friend at a bar a few weeks ago. He was telling me about the show "The Pick-Up Artist" on VH1, starring the aforementioned "Mystery". My friend said it was thoroughly entertaining television and that it was amazing seeing this formerly awkward guys develop the confidence and social skills to be able to approach women. As we were leaving the bar, we looked over and saw "Mystery", all 6′5" of him, adorned in an ostentatious hat and a big gold heart shaped locket, waiting at the valet. Next to him was Neil Strauss, who had to be about 5′5" and 130 pounds soaking wet. Although I hadn’t yet read "The Game", I had to introduce myself. Neil was extremely gracious and soft-spoken and he gave me his assistant’s email address. A week later, I was at a party at his house for the finale of "The Pick-Up Artist".
I asked if I could bring my best guy friend, but was told to either come alone or with a woman. Fair enough. So at the last minute, I invited my friend, Lauren Frances, who is more than enough woman to bring to any party.
The scene was surreal. The first three guys I saw were slightly pasty, average looking guys wearing pirate hats and turbans. These were the apprentice pick-up artists and they were, to use the language of the community, peacocking - wearing outlandish outfits to attract attention and arouse interest. These guys comprised the majority of the party’s population when we arrived. Slowly the room started filling up with young Hollywood types. Everyone was well-put-together and put a lot more thought into their wardrobe than I probably did. After all, it’s all about making a good first impression.
I fell into some lovely conversations. One, with a smart single woman who worked at Vivid Video who was dating one of the apprentice PUA’s (pick up artists) who got his education on the TV show. Another, with a young Jewish actress from Texas who was dating the guy who won "The Pick-Up Artist". It seemed that apart from Neil, Mystery, Lauren and myself, everyone at the party was 25 years old, or at least acting that way.
And so I vowed to read the book that spawned this entire community. I wanted to be able to accurately parse whether this is useful information or misogynist trash. I’m somewhat dismayed to report that it’s useful information….
Continued on next page >>Filed Under Uncategorized, Sex & Relationship Advice
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Camilla Oct 12th 2007 at 10:30 am 1
I watched the pickup artist and found it intriguing enough to get past the idea that some guys use it in a low-brow way. Honestly, there are some tips in there that as a woman, I wish all guys would learn!
For instance, how to be more flirtatious and keep women guessing. There was a whole bit on the show about the perils of falling into the “friend zone,” by not flirting or holding back too much as a way of being polite (and avoid rejection.) I watched that episode while dating a guy who was attracted to initially, but was losing interest in. He just didn’t know how to be romantic and playful with me. I got bored and moved on.
I remember a conversation I had with a group of women many years ago, and we were discussing what was it that made some guys so hot and attractive to us. We ruled out looks and money. We voted humor at the top of the list, yet that wasn’t it either. We all knew silly guys that could make us laugh, but that weren’t hot. The someone said the word “cocky,” and we all said YES! That’s the magic mojo–a combination of cocky + funny is the #1 thing that attracted us. ALL the women in our group agreed.
I almost fell out of my chair when I watched the PUA and how one of their core techniques is to get really good and cocky+funny. So I knew there was something to it!
Dating Trooper Oct 12th 2007 at 10:58 am 2
I have a guy friend who has become obsessed with becoming a PUA.To the point where he has nothing of interest left to talk about except his latest conquests or his next “targets” (how these guys describe women). He used to be nice, insightful and relatively ambitious. He makes a good living, is the perfect cross between good looking on the outside and a little nerdy on the inside- so I have no idea why feels the need to seek out this kind of help. Now he spends all of his time and mental energy chasing p*ssy - a term I would never use except it fits him and his attitude so perfectly. To be honest, I’m relatively disgusted by him these days, and not because I’m against guys gaining confidence to approach women. I have always sympathized with men having to “make the moves” and face so much rejection. I know it’s hard and I support them getting better at it and maybe even enjoying it a little. But the idea of making it purely a “Game” can be dangerous and take many men down the wrong path. My friend is a perfect example. Be careful out there!
www.topdatingadvice.info » What I Learned From the Pick-Up Artists Who Wrote “The Game” Oct 12th 2007 at 12:13 pm 3
[…] Evan Marc Katz wrote a fantastic post today on “What I Learned From the Pick-Up Artists Who Wrote âThe Gameâ”Here’s ONLY a quick extractI finally read Neil Strauss’ “The Game” this past weekend on the plane ride home from New York. Amazing book. Nearly 400 pages that went down as if they were 100. If you’re not… [[ This is a content summary only. … […]
Lisa Steadman Oct 12th 2007 at 01:22 pm 4
I’m so glad to hear your take on The Game, Evan. It’s a strange, fascinating experiment that obviously works even if it seems a bit seedy. As always, I love reading your work!
Jen from NYC Oct 12th 2007 at 05:05 pm 5
My sister’s single friend sent me this blog. It is a blog right? Anyway, first the obvious, Evan is totally cute. Second, hello? Where was this blog when I was single? I am enjoying reading all of these posts and I just read Evan’s bio. I am 31 and I was living in NYC for the past 7 years and dating. Yeah, torture, I know. (Wait, even more tortorous was that I was a Jewish girl dating. The Jewish men in NYC are in a category of their own. My favorties were the bald schlubbs who were Jappier than me and expected a supermodel to walk through the door and were disappointed because I was five two with chemically straightened hair and my parents helped pay my rent. Like I said, I am a Jewish girl.) Anyway, I just moved to Jeresy to live with my wonderful boyfriend, and I wanted to say that if you believe internet dating sucks, or does not work, please talk to me because I am the girl who went on JDate 5 years ago before all of her girlfriends who met and married men from the site, as I was on for years, and years, and years. Major run-on sentence, sorry. But seriously, I went to all of my friends weddings single, laughing and of course a bit envious because I had recommended that my girlfriend’s try out JDate and they were successful. Quickly successful I may add. I was tempted so many times to just get the f off of it but I told myself daily that why the hell not just stay active and keep some faith alive that if my b’shert (that is my soul mate) is on there, we will find each other. And we did. Granted, I spent like 3,000 dollars (I am being dramatic) but it was worth it. Now I will get off my soap box about internet dating. But for you single girls and guys, just remember you have nothing to lose by keeping up some fabulous (yes pick your best )pictures and some witty and genuine information on those profiles.
I want to comment on this post as well. (Sorry, am I boring you all already? ) I actually think it is funny that guys make a game out of picking up women and who can blame them? The sad thing is that there will always be women to pick up and I guess men just instinctually need to hunt. The fact that someone can profit off of it is great. What is sad is that so many men do not realize just how simple it is to find a great woman. Just be yourself and the right woman will love you for that. Sure, some men have the “It” factor and can pick up all the hot ass when they go out, but in the end, it is who you chose to spend the rest of your life with (if that is what you want) that will be the biggest test ever!
downtowngal Oct 13th 2007 at 03:11 am 6
I haven’t read the book but I did catch the PUA on tv and I agree with what the posters above said. It’s really about confidence. I live in NY and so many of the nice guys, especially older ones (late 30+) feel they have to try too hard to impress women with their careers, $$, etc because of how they perceive women’s expectations instead of just being themselves. This nervousness or superficiality is a total turn-off.
Though there are a lot of women in NY who do judge a man by his wallet, many women don’t. These guys have to realize that the right woman will like you for who you are. The biggest turn-on to me is a guy who is comfortable in his own skin. That’s not necc cocky (unless that’s the kind of guy you already are), that’s demonstrating that you have your act together enough to be comfortable with where you are at your stage in life.
Ramon Thomas Oct 19th 2007 at 10:53 pm 7
There are so many women responding to this. Does that mean Evan has more female readers than male? I have studied the venusian arts as Mystery calls it and met many pick-up artists in South Africa. In fact we’ve had some high profile visits to Cape Town from the likes of Zan and Badboy.
Anyway these days I do not hide the fact that I’ve studied pick-up nor do I use a pseudonym. And I’m working hard to teach guys to stop hiding behind forums and blogs and just go out and meet women in the real world. Enough already with reading all the ebooks, downloading all the podcasts and other seduction advice. Just keep expanding you social circle, increasing your social connection and influence and using social proof and you will meet women.
Steve Nov 30th 2007 at 09:54 am 8
Women will find it distasteful but fascinating. Men will find it fascinating but distasteful.
Excellent line Evan! I wonder if the perceived effectiveness of the PUA techniques will become weakened with popularity as people learn to recognize what is going on.
I your observation that there is an intersection between what you teach and what the PUAs teach. Maybe it is one of those things where it matters how it is wrapped. Though as a single guy who has some work to do to feel comfortable dating again I have been staying away from the PUA thing as I do find cold.
It all sounds similar to the three points in the move the Tao Of Steve, but without the charm and some misogyny thrown in.
400 pages? LOL! Women are complicated, but not that complicated :).
Cheers
Joel Jun 19th 2008 at 03:19 pm 9
Women don’t want me because
I am short(5′5″). 170 lbs
I am a country man not a city person.
I am more interested in stock cows than horses or motorcycles.
I am more of a homebody than a traveler.
I am conservitive.
I live too far away.
I have never been married.
I am not a millionare
Collins Jun 19th 2008 at 04:46 pm 10
Well, Joel, if women don’t want you for the reasons you state above, it’s their loss. There are 2 billion adult females on this earth, & all you need is one. If that one who can accept all of the above does come along, great; but if not, so be it. Part of growing up is learning to be happy ALONE.