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The fact is, any person that you’re going to date will come with a certain amount of baggage. Expecting a man in his mid 30’s to not have baggage is like expecting a woman in her mid-30’s to be a virgin. Not gonna happen. And although nobody’s baggage is attractive, it’s a part of the overall package.

Last year, I did a book signing for “Why You’re Still Single” at a Barnes and Noble in Santa Monica. When I finished reading a chapter called “Tip Your Baggage Handler”, a Russian woman in her mid-50’s got up and challenged me. Her contention: baggage sucks.

“You are the author. And here you are, telling me that I have to accept a man with baggage. I am an intelligent, successful, beautiful woman. I have lived and I have loved. I know what I want. And I know I don’t want a man with baggage. You tell me: why do I have to accept a man with baggage?”

Usually people ask me questions I’ve been asked a million times. This time, I was momentarily speechless. Why WOULD anyone want to accept a man with baggage? Then, it clicked.

“The reason to accept a man with baggage,” I told her, softly, “is because you want a man who is willing to accept your baggage.”

The whole crowd went “Ahhhhhhhh”. It was one of the few times in my life that I knew I’d said the right thing. The woman sat back down, satisfied.

Sadly, most of us are dating hypocrites and we don’t even see it. We get annoyed when people don’t call us back in a timely fashion, but we do the same to others. We get surprised when someone breaks up with us with no warning, but we do the slow fade to others to avoid confrontation. And, of course, we give up on people with insecurities and anxieties, although we’re all toting the weight of our own broken relationships everywhere we go.

I don’t know you, Cheeky, but the best thing I can say to anyone, man or woman, who wants to be part of a couple?

Start getting out there and stop being judgmental.

That’s when love will walk through your door.

 
 

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