Comments on: Why Men Shouldn’t Ask For or Offer Their Phone Number Too Quickly http://www.advicefromasingledatingexpert.com/why-men-shouldn%e2%80%99t-ask-for-or-offer-their-phone-number-too-quickly/ Because who knows more about dating than a guy who's still dating? Fri, 05 Dec 2008 02:56:01 +0000 http://wordpress.org/?v=2.6.5 By: Michael Ejercito http://www.advicefromasingledatingexpert.com/why-men-shouldn%e2%80%99t-ask-for-or-offer-their-phone-number-too-quickly/#comment-8605 Michael Ejercito Sat, 31 May 2008 16:26:59 +0000 http://www.advicefromasingledatingexpert.com/why-men-shouldn%e2%80%99t-ask-for-or-offer-their-phone-number-too-quickly/#comment-8605 The only time a man should consider asking for a phone number upon first meeting is if he meets a woman somewhere and he is unlikely to meet her again unless the meeting is arranged. The only time a man should consider asking for a phone number upon first meeting is if he meets a woman somewhere and he is unlikely to meet her again unless the meeting is arranged.

]]> By: Max Garcia http://www.advicefromasingledatingexpert.com/why-men-shouldn%e2%80%99t-ask-for-or-offer-their-phone-number-too-quickly/#comment-8595 Max Garcia Fri, 30 May 2008 22:25:57 +0000 http://www.advicefromasingledatingexpert.com/why-men-shouldn%e2%80%99t-ask-for-or-offer-their-phone-number-too-quickly/#comment-8595 "women WANT you to invest time in them. That’s what shows them you’re serious", wow good advice for me. “women WANT you to invest time in them. That’s what shows them you’re serious”, wow good advice for me.

]]> By: hunter http://www.advicefromasingledatingexpert.com/why-men-shouldn%e2%80%99t-ask-for-or-offer-their-phone-number-too-quickly/#comment-6844 hunter Mon, 07 Apr 2008 05:04:36 +0000 http://www.advicefromasingledatingexpert.com/why-men-shouldn%e2%80%99t-ask-for-or-offer-their-phone-number-too-quickly/#comment-6844 To A-L Man may be clueless, doesn't know he is supposed to ask questions... To A-L

Man may be clueless, doesn’t know he is supposed to ask questions…

]]> By: A-L http://www.advicefromasingledatingexpert.com/why-men-shouldn%e2%80%99t-ask-for-or-offer-their-phone-number-too-quickly/#comment-6840 A-L Mon, 07 Apr 2008 00:05:50 +0000 http://www.advicefromasingledatingexpert.com/why-men-shouldn%e2%80%99t-ask-for-or-offer-their-phone-number-too-quickly/#comment-6840 Recently I've had the problem where we've had some back and forth e-mails, but the guy isn't asking any questions. It started off when I e-mailed a guy, and he e-mailed back a paragraph or two answering my question but didn't ask me anything back. I assumed he wasn't interested so sent back a short e-mail. He e-mailed back, again without a question. In all, we've had 3-4 of these exchanges where he keeps on sending back decent-length replies, but with no questions. I would assume that if he's not asking questions, he's not interested, but why does he keep replying, and quickly? And his responses aren't 1-2 liners either. And today I e-mailed a guy, he responded back within 20 minutes, and no question in his reply! Should I give these guys the heave-ho, or subtly give them the hint that they should start asking questions? Recently I’ve had the problem where we’ve had some back and forth e-mails, but the guy isn’t asking any questions. It started off when I e-mailed a guy, and he e-mailed back a paragraph or two answering my question but didn’t ask me anything back. I assumed he wasn’t interested so sent back a short e-mail. He e-mailed back, again without a question. In all, we’ve had 3-4 of these exchanges where he keeps on sending back decent-length replies, but with no questions. I would assume that if he’s not asking questions, he’s not interested, but why does he keep replying, and quickly? And his responses aren’t 1-2 liners either. And today I e-mailed a guy, he responded back within 20 minutes, and no question in his reply! Should I give these guys the heave-ho, or subtly give them the hint that they should start asking questions?

]]> By: Michael Ejercito http://www.advicefromasingledatingexpert.com/why-men-shouldn%e2%80%99t-ask-for-or-offer-their-phone-number-too-quickly/#comment-4772 Michael Ejercito Sat, 16 Feb 2008 19:47:44 +0000 http://www.advicefromasingledatingexpert.com/why-men-shouldn%e2%80%99t-ask-for-or-offer-their-phone-number-too-quickly/#comment-4772 <blockquote>In defense of the male gender, many women offer nothing in their profiles that would allow a guy to say something interesting beyond, “what’s your number?”</blockquote> I have observed such profiles on Match.Com and Date.Com. Some of those profiles are still there after five years. I wonder why.

In defense of the male gender, many women offer nothing in their profiles that would allow a guy to say something interesting beyond, “what’s your number?”

I have observed such profiles on Match.Com and Date.Com.

Some of those profiles are still there after five years. I wonder why.

]]> By: vlh http://www.advicefromasingledatingexpert.com/why-men-shouldn%e2%80%99t-ask-for-or-offer-their-phone-number-too-quickly/#comment-4398 vlh Thu, 07 Feb 2008 17:51:05 +0000 http://www.advicefromasingledatingexpert.com/why-men-shouldn%e2%80%99t-ask-for-or-offer-their-phone-number-too-quickly/#comment-4398 Email number 5 or 6 is the best time to offer your phone number to a woman: that should be enough time spent exchanging *meaningful* emails (ideally proffering information about yourselves, I hope, not just monosyllabic "hi" and single sentence messages like "whazzup?"). Each email should: contain a few CHATTY paragraphs, disclose some information about yourself, and ask the woman some question(s) about herself to show you're interested in finding out more about her. Still, don't wait much longer after email number 5 to offer your phone number. I dump the instant messenger/email junkie types quickly; I suspect most are married men or are in relationships already. Giving out your phone number on email 5 shows both a willingness to invest time sharing information about yourself to make her comfortable, and it is also soon enough that she won't start to suspect you're just another computer-addicted married guy with no life... Email number 5 or 6 is the best time to offer your phone number to a woman: that should be enough time spent exchanging *meaningful* emails (ideally proffering information about yourselves, I hope, not just monosyllabic “hi” and single sentence messages like “whazzup?”). Each email should: contain a few CHATTY paragraphs, disclose some information about yourself, and ask the woman some question(s) about herself to show you’re interested in finding out more about her. Still, don’t wait much longer after email number 5 to offer your phone number. I dump the instant messenger/email junkie types quickly; I suspect most are married men or are in relationships already. Giving out your phone number on email 5 shows both a willingness to invest time sharing information about yourself to make her comfortable, and it is also soon enough that she won’t start to suspect you’re just another computer-addicted married guy with no life…

]]> By: Lance http://www.advicefromasingledatingexpert.com/why-men-shouldn%e2%80%99t-ask-for-or-offer-their-phone-number-too-quickly/#comment-4097 Lance Sun, 27 Jan 2008 01:38:00 +0000 http://www.advicefromasingledatingexpert.com/why-men-shouldn%e2%80%99t-ask-for-or-offer-their-phone-number-too-quickly/#comment-4097 Don't know if anyone is still reading this thread, but I'd like to respond to CP. Women prompt the exchange for contact info all the time, and it's as simple as her saying, "Hey, we're having a great conversation, let's get coffee..." That's your cue to exchange digits and set something up. I've even had women ask me to TAKE their number. In fact, this is the point that I try to reach purposely, because I know we've made a great connection then. The key is having built up a great connection via email and IM and the two people getting to a point of comfort and trust. Once you reach that point, exchanging contact info is a completely natural progression. The situation described in Joanna's query to Evan is that there was ZERO comfort and trust, ie, no previous connection, and the guy was just throwing it out there. Don't trust those guys. If you poke around the 'net you'll find plenty of online dating horror stories. Don’t know if anyone is still reading this thread, but I’d like to respond to CP. Women prompt the exchange for contact info all the time, and it’s as simple as her saying, “Hey, we’re having a great conversation, let’s get coffee…” That’s your cue to exchange digits and set something up. I’ve even had women ask me to TAKE their number. In fact, this is the point that I try to reach purposely, because I know we’ve made a great connection then.

The key is having built up a great connection via email and IM and the two people getting to a point of comfort and trust. Once you reach that point, exchanging contact info is a completely natural progression.

The situation described in Joanna’s query to Evan is that there was ZERO comfort and trust, ie, no previous connection, and the guy was just throwing it out there. Don’t trust those guys. If you poke around the ‘net you’ll find plenty of online dating horror stories.

]]> By: hunter http://www.advicefromasingledatingexpert.com/why-men-shouldn%e2%80%99t-ask-for-or-offer-their-phone-number-too-quickly/#comment-4071 hunter Fri, 25 Jan 2008 07:36:43 +0000 http://www.advicefromasingledatingexpert.com/why-men-shouldn%e2%80%99t-ask-for-or-offer-their-phone-number-too-quickly/#comment-4071 to trent, ..as a general rule, most women are "chatter boxes",...the ones that aren't, mostly, have been recently hurt, abused, going through a divorce,..etc... to trent,

..as a general rule, most women are “chatter boxes”,…the ones that aren’t, mostly, have been recently hurt, abused, going through a divorce,..etc…

]]> By: Li-Ann http://www.advicefromasingledatingexpert.com/why-men-shouldn%e2%80%99t-ask-for-or-offer-their-phone-number-too-quickly/#comment-4022 Li-Ann Wed, 23 Jan 2008 21:40:33 +0000 http://www.advicefromasingledatingexpert.com/why-men-shouldn%e2%80%99t-ask-for-or-offer-their-phone-number-too-quickly/#comment-4022 Evan, thanks for the answer. I appreciate it. But, it's not me. I think I explained on another post that I don't use online dating. I'm over 40 which means I will unfortunately not meet the criteria for most men. I am seeing someone now - it works better to meet in person for me, as I don't look as old as the number says. Actually, I shouldn't criticize online dating as I haven't personally used it, but my thoughts on the situation lead me to think it would be pretty difficult for someone my age. Maybe others have had better experiences. I get my ideas from chats with girlfriends as it can be a hot topic to discuss. It is my friend at work with the problem. She's pretty frustrated. I agree that many men probably do "keep you in the bullpen", but I think there is a small percentage, definitely not most, but some, who entertain themselves with a back and forth conversation. They could be married and hoping for a bit of an emotional romance. They think that it isn't really cheating if you never meet. Recently she had a guy asking her to tell him more intimate details about herself. He persisted, and she tried to give polite responses. Finally he began sending emails with insults, profanities, accusing her of being stuck up. She blocked him. Now she's got others she's been chatting to for upwards of 3 months. I will tell her your theory about the bullpen Evan. Thanks again. Evan, thanks for the answer. I appreciate it. But, it’s not me. I think I explained on another post that I don’t use online dating. I’m over 40 which means I will unfortunately not meet the criteria for most men. I am seeing someone now - it works better to meet in person for me, as I don’t look as old as the number says. Actually, I shouldn’t criticize online dating as I haven’t personally used it, but my thoughts on the situation lead me to think it would be pretty difficult for someone my age. Maybe others have had better experiences. I get my ideas from chats with girlfriends as it can be a hot topic to discuss.

It is my friend at work with the problem. She’s pretty frustrated. I agree that many men probably do “keep you in the bullpen”, but I think there is a small percentage, definitely not most, but some, who entertain themselves with a back and forth conversation. They could be married and hoping for a bit of an emotional romance. They think that it isn’t really cheating if you never meet.

Recently she had a guy asking her to tell him more intimate details about herself. He persisted, and she tried to give polite responses. Finally he began sending emails with insults, profanities, accusing her of being stuck up. She blocked him. Now she’s got others she’s been chatting to for upwards of 3 months. I will tell her your theory about the bullpen Evan. Thanks again.

]]> By: verbosity http://www.advicefromasingledatingexpert.com/why-men-shouldn%e2%80%99t-ask-for-or-offer-their-phone-number-too-quickly/#comment-4018 verbosity Wed, 23 Jan 2008 20:58:31 +0000 http://www.advicefromasingledatingexpert.com/why-men-shouldn%e2%80%99t-ask-for-or-offer-their-phone-number-too-quickly/#comment-4018 I'm going to throw a few things into the mix....whether I truly believe them or not, you be the judge. There is a fine line between flirting online and typing yet another email. After how many is it time to actually talk? You know, how people used to communicate in ancient times (1990). There is also a fine line between asking questions and interrogation. When a reply email to me had 12 (yes 12!) questions listed, I checked out. Opening up or not opening up....hooey. No one's asking another to divulge their innermost secrets 9.9 times outta 10, they just want to know more than "I like to travel. I like puppies & kittens. I like a man/woman with ambition.." Blah, blah... Also, ladies also need to be aware that most men know you have another 15 emails in your box tonight, so forgive them if they want to also jump ahead of the line and actually talk. It's the dating version of being in auto phone hell (press 1, if you have a question about widgets, press 2 if you have a question about midgets, press 3 if you have a ...), unable to actually talk to a person. This whole exchange begs the question, "If you met a nice guy in a coffee shop and talked for some time (15-30 min), would you make him email you 5 times before agreeing to see him for coffee as a 'date?'" I sure hope not. I’m going to throw a few things into the mix….whether I truly believe them or not, you be the judge.

There is a fine line between flirting online and typing yet another email. After how many is it time to actually talk? You know, how people used to communicate in ancient times (1990).

There is also a fine line between asking questions and interrogation. When a reply email to me had 12 (yes 12!) questions listed, I checked out.

Opening up or not opening up….hooey. No one’s asking another to divulge their innermost secrets 9.9 times outta 10, they just want to know more than “I like to travel. I like puppies & kittens. I like a man/woman with ambition..” Blah, blah…

Also, ladies also need to be aware that most men know you have another 15 emails in your box tonight, so forgive them if they want to also jump ahead of the line and actually talk. It’s the dating version of being in auto phone hell (press 1, if you have a question about widgets, press 2 if you have a question about midgets, press 3 if you have a …), unable to actually talk to a person.

This whole exchange begs the question, “If you met a nice guy in a coffee shop and talked for some time (15-30 min), would you make him email you 5 times before agreeing to see him for coffee as a ‘date?’” I sure hope not.

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