Apr07
Why Would a Younger Woman Want to Date a Much Older Man?
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Okay, Evan, I agree mostly with your opinion on younger men/older women. What do you say about the reverse? I mean, I can see why an older man would want to date a younger woman - physically that is, but why would a 28-year-old woman want to date a man 45 or more?
Penelope
Dear Penelope,
Beats the shit out of me.
I can totally understand why older men go for younger women. There’s no denying that they’re, for the most part, in better shape, with better skin, and less baggage from broken relationships. Time creates wisdom - but it also creates responsibilities and complications – mortgage, kids, career, etc. All of this makes dating more and more complex as we get older. It’s a lot easier for a man to take out a carefree, responsibility free, baggage free, wrinkle free 28-year-old, which is why so many men try to go in that direction. I’m not condoning this. I’m OBSERVING that it happens.
Still, most of them fail miserably, for the exact same reasons that I think Penelope is suggesting. Men want much younger women, but rarely do much younger women want older men. Put another way, if a woman has an array of other quality options closer to her age range, what incentives would she have to date a man who is SEVENTEEN YEARS OLDER?
Not many, I’m thinking.
Before any 40+ people get all hot and bothered about this – I am not judging you. There is nothing wrong with aging. I do think people improve with age (my 38-year-old girlfriend is nodding). But let’s not pretend that we, as a culture, don’t worship at the altar of youth. If you’re over the age of 40 and have ever said, “But I’m told I look five years younger than my age”, then you’re not immune to it yourself. But see, for men who covet younger women, it’s not whether you look good for your age – it’s what age you really are.
She doesn’t NEED a guy who’s 45. She can find that same amazing guy at age 30. Or 35. Or 40.
Because it’s competitive out there for all of us. People have choices. And nobody has more choices than a 28-year-old woman. If she wants to date a guy who is 6’2”, makes $400,000+, likes skiing, is within ten miles of her house and five years of her age, you know what? She could probably find him. All she has to do is go on Match.com, and wade through a few thousand applicants. The point is, she doesn’t NEED a guy who’s 45. She can find that same amazing guy at age 30. Or 35. Or 40. She doesn’t need a guy who will be taking Viagra when she’s sexually peaking at 43.
Don’t get me wrong, there are advantages in a 45-year-old guy. He’s probably a man. He’s got the job and the home and the car, and been divorced with a kid already. So if a woman finds it more appealing to just step into that world – to jump from the prolonged adolescence of the late 20’s into full-fledged settled-down womanhood – that could make sense.
There are many other things that are attractive about older men. They embody wisdom and stability. They can afford nicer restaurants and vacations and have cultivated greater tastes in the arts. They’re more experienced, more chivalrous, and more likely to want to settle down than a twentysomething party boy.
And yet, they probably resemble Penelope’s dad more than they resemble her brother….
Continued on next page >>Filed Under Dating Tips & Advice, Sex & Relationship Advice
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Selena Apr 7th 2008 at 11:37 am 1
When I was in my late 30’s I became involved with someone 15 yrs. older. The age difference did not seem especially significant during the 5 yrs we were together. Now in my mid 40’s though, the idea of dating someone in their 60’s does seem like a big difference in terms of where we each are in life.
Harrison Ford being an exception for me as well though, I have to say. (He’s really 66? Wow!)
JerseyGirl Apr 7th 2008 at 12:07 pm 2
I’m in my 20s and I don’t find Harrison Ford attractive at all.
Camilla Apr 7th 2008 at 12:13 pm 3
Similar to Selena, I met my husband when I was 35 and he was 47. At the time, the 12 years was a non-issue. Fast forward to me hitting my prime at 41, and him slowing down at 53…and it DID become a problem. He stopped wanting to travel and have fun with me. Didn’t attend important work events for me (like I had with him.) And frankly, he started aging really fast. He started looking 60, whereas he looked younger than his age when we met. We became incompatible, now divorcing.
So like Evan is saying, the age gap may not SEEM like a problem when you’re both still young-ish. But it might be a problem later. I don’t recommend more than a 7 year difference, max.
vino Apr 7th 2008 at 01:39 pm 4
Oh boy is this one interesting. Some choice quotes from Evan’s answer”
“Don’t get me wrong, there are advantages in a 45-year-old guy. He’s probably a man. He’s got the job and the home and the car, and been divorced with a kid already. So if a woman finds it more appealing to just step into that world – to jump from the prolonged adolescence of the late 20’s into full-fledged settled-down womanhood – that could make sense.”
“There are many other things that are attractive about older men. They embody wisdom and stability. They can afford nicer restaurants and vacations and have cultivated greater tastes in the arts. They’re more experienced, more chivalrous, and more likely to want to settle down than a twentysomething party boy.”
” . . .they’re daddy substitutes. An older man’s going to be the strong, nurturing guy who takes care of her, teaches her, and treats her like a princess – the kind of relationship that she probably lacked growing up.”
So I break this down into 2 basic reasons women go for older guys.
1. Material reasons
2. Daddy issues
Materially, Evan said it well - “He’s got the job and the home and the car . . ” and “They can afford nicer restaurants and vacations and have cultivated greater tastes in the arts.”
Daddy issues - I’d venture to say that I think both extremes apply here. Evan wrote, “… treats her like a princess – the kind of relationship that she probably lacked growing up.” I’d say that I’ve run into just as many daddy issues with girls who WERE treated like princesses by daddy.
No matter which reason(s) applies, it’s the same thing in effect. She wants to be treated like a child. She wants to be immature.
vino Apr 7th 2008 at 01:42 pm 5
“And frankly, he started aging really fast. He started looking 60, whereas he looked younger than his age when we met. ”
I have to remember this one.
Steve Apr 7th 2008 at 02:49 pm 6
Most unflattering reasons, but likely true as “the rule” :
younger women being attracted to older men
1. “Daddy” issues
2. Material issues
younger men being attracted to older women
1. “Mommy” issues
2. Faster, easier, sex
women and men wanting to date/mate younger:
1. recapture fading youth
2. more immature than their chronological counterparts
3. wants a partner more easily controlled
4. an ego stroke, arm candy, a trophy partner
5. can’t handle someone their own age
Despite all of those unflattering dime store( a very “dating” remark…..amend that..to “dollar store”) reasons, sometimes these various pairings happen only because the two people involved have a genuine appreciation of each other.
Sarah G Apr 7th 2008 at 04:51 pm 7
The longest, best romantic relationship I ever had was with a much older guy. I knew he was older, but I didn’t know how much older. When I found out I was shocked b/c it was a LOT older. All that said, we were very much in love and it felt like we were equals. I know that people looked at us and thought things — esp. b/c he’s highly successful in our field (he’s won several of one of the big 3 awards, shall we say) and I was a rank beginner. (Well, not rank.) But even there, I didn’t feel that we were mismatched b/c he was successful and I was starting out — it was more that we were in different places in our careers. And, it turns out, in our lives. He had done a lot of the things that I still needed to do to feel like I’d lived (marriage, a kid, real estate, career success — though I can skip the multiple divorce part, thanks). But we never talked about that stuff — we were just into each other and our work together. And when I started to talk about a LIFE together he started to lie (actually, he was lying from the beginning) — he didn’t want to lose me but he didn’t want to build anything with me. I could still be his perma-girlfriend today, had I wanted that spot, and be meeting the people and going to the “events.” And I’m telling you, it was great interpersonally with this guy, but I had to leave and have nothing to do with him, even though it meant taking many steps backwards professionally. (I’m kinda proud in my work, so that actually felt like a relief.) And now I’m fine and dating guys who don’t raise eyebrows when we’re out together. It isn’t the rush it was being with this guy, and maybe it does feel like settling. But it also feels like peace and happiness.
I do know many successful May-December couples. The woman is most often the younger, but not always. In that particular situation it’s really hard b/c the guy starts losing his health a few decades before the woman will, and so she’ll (most likely) have to see him through his illness and death and then (possibly) be alone for a very long time. And if you are marrying a guy for his “stability” — meaning, you may be attracted to him to fill in some gaps in your own abilities — well, unless you learn in your time with him how to manage a portfolio and deal with all of the stuff that comes with settling an estate, that “stability” may not seem like such a gift.
OK. Gotta get off the internet. My eHarmony guy is gonna call in a few. He’s 3 years older than I am. Not as exciting as Award Man, but very funny, nice.
Lance Apr 7th 2008 at 05:08 pm 8
Older guys: higher social value. More money, more real estate, knowledge, culture, wisdom, well traveled, higher social/emotional intelligence. I totally buy younger women going for older men. See it all the time.
I’ve got a question. Let’s say a 28 year old goes out with a 45 year old VRD (very rich dude). They only plan on being together for 15 years, give or take. Basically a really long LTR or a planned mid-term marriage. Does anyone have a problem with this? I don’t. He gets what he wants (fantasies fulfilled, feels younger, arm candy, whatever), and she gets what she wants that is, a comfortable life.
starthrower68 Apr 7th 2008 at 05:28 pm 9
Oh I can related to that “being with an older guy is a rush thing”. I briefly - very briefly - dated a 50 year old. He just knocked my socks off. Obviously it didn’t work out, and there were other incompatibilities, but yah, this guy still had it!
vino Apr 7th 2008 at 05:39 pm 10
Lance wrote: “I’ve got a question. Let’s say a 28 year old goes out with a 45 year old VRD (very rich dude). They only plan on being together for 15 years, give or take. Basically a really long LTR or a planned mid-term marriage. Does anyone have a problem with this? I don’t. He gets what he wants (fantasies fulfilled, feels younger, arm candy, whatever), and she gets what she wants that is, a comfortable life.”
Do THEY jointly plan on being together for 15 years? Or does She? I ask because the VRD can live like Hef (cialis, viagra). What’s the payout to her?
No offense, still sounds like legalized prostitution.
Wait, isn’t that much of what it is anyway?
Sarah G Apr 7th 2008 at 05:47 pm 11
And don’t forget events, Lance. The grown-up events are very nice, and not something that a young guy can bring you to. It’s hard for me now to go to hipster events where people have been throwing up on the steps outside.
A-L Apr 7th 2008 at 06:14 pm 12
My family background has made me naturally drawn toward older people (friends and romantic interests alike). My siblings are all between 10-17 years older than me, my dad is 10 years older than my mom, my grandfather was 12 years older than my grandmother…for us it’s kind of the norm. Granted the 10-12 year age difference isn’t 17-25+, but it’s greater than average.
My interests have also tended to be “older” for my age. I’ve never been into the bar/club scene, can count on one hand the number of concerts by artists with a younger fan base, and enjoy the opera, symphonies, museums, etc, that generally tend to have an older audience.
I have noticed, though, that as I’ve gotten older that I’m less inclined to consider a relationship where there is a much larger age gap. In my early adult years I would have considered dating someone 20 years older than me, but now that’s down to about 10-12 years. Perhaps the fact that guys closer to my age are finally maturing has something to do with it. I’m also interested in some activities (like skydiving or whitewater rafting) that guys above a certain age have zero interest in, so that’s also helping to keep the age difference to one that’s fairly minimal.
And lastly, in regards to the sugar daddy (or rich older man) phenomeon. Not necessarily the case. I’m currently deliberating over a guy who’s far older than he looks (he looks 10 years younger), who’s sweet as can be, and is the best looking man I’ve seen in years (not just seen romantically, but seen in real life anywhere). Financially though, I suspect I have far more assets. I own my home, and wouldn’t be surprised if earn twice what he does. And though I know the golddigger comments are going to be coming out, that is a concern as he is 17 years older than me (and hence should be that much further along financially) and I’m not earning the executive salaries that the men on this board often comment about. But he’s still very tempting…
A-L Apr 7th 2008 at 06:19 pm 13
Y’all can keep Harrison Ford, I want Robert Redford! Though I also know more than a few young ladies with a thing for Sean Connery…
Sarah G Apr 7th 2008 at 07:28 pm 14
Hmm. I can’t think of any older actors who really do it for me. But this topic is curious b/c just today I read that Adrienne Barbeau is with Billy Van Zandt (she’s about 12 years older); and Barbara Hershey is with that stunner Naveen Andrews from “Lost” (she’s 21 years older); and I don’t know if any of you have seen Kim Basinger lately, but she is an incredible-looking 50-something (for any age, really), and I’m sure that there is many a young guy who’d park his horse in her stable. (I believe she is an animal lover.) These days a lot of women are holding onto their hotness. It’s a nice trend.
Sarah G Apr 7th 2008 at 07:45 pm 15
Prostitution is very quid pro quo, Vino. A relationship isn’t because you have feelings for each other. Would each have the same feelings if he were an old loser and she were a young ugly thing? Maybe. But they probably wouldn’t be attracted to each other long enough to find out. Relationship currency isn’t like REAL currency. It’s just what you offer, materially yes, but in other ways, too. Really, the insult is to the guy in the “prostitution” idea you are putting forth — money is all he has to offer and he’s so out of touch emotionally that he would think that someone who is using him really cares about him? I don’t think men are that stupid.
vino Apr 7th 2008 at 09:16 pm 16
“Prostitution is very quid pro quo, Vino.”
It’s good of you to admit it. I’ll remember that next time someone demands that men pay for everything.
Also, you seem to ignore the premise that Lance set forth, upon which I based my comment.
“It’s just what you offer, materially yes, but in other ways, too. Really, the insult is to the guy in the “prostitution” idea you are putting forth — money is all he has to offer and he’s so out of touch emotionally that he would think that someone who is using him really cares about him? I don’t think men are that stupid.”
What does SHE offer? What other ways? See this link http://www.advicefromasingledatingexpert.com/why-does-my-boyfriend-want-less-sex-than-me/#comment-6810. Deathslayer writes yet another priceless post. It’s too long to quote fully here, but it is on point. A choice quote or 2, so people can link over…
“If you women no longer have vaginas, how would you
keep your man happy?”.
Man you could hear a pin drop…”
“He said something like this. “What’s wrong with you? You could have said, learn to play pool, take him to a sports game, or boating. There were a ton of things you could have done to be with your man and make him happy. But the only way all you women could define yourselves was as three holes and nothing else”.
“They wanted women for those things money CAN’T buy, love, respect, a warm home to come home to, their own children and a good woman to raise them.”
Many guys 45 & up are not that out of touch emotionally aren’t that out of touch. You are right. They are not that stupid. They just accept it as the cost of admission, like paying a membership fee to join a country club or a cover charge to enter a night club. It’s not an insult to the guy in the ‘prostitution’ idea, just a realistic statement of the nature of the situation.
Selena Apr 8th 2008 at 02:13 am 17
Along with the possible reasons Evan cited for a younger woman seeking out an older man is also that women in their 20’s-early 30’s may have tired of the young men in their age bracket who treat sex, relationships as sport, conquests and are looking for something more substantial and lasting.
Older women appreciate younger men for the same reasons older men appreciate younger women. Younger men are more likely to have a flat stomach and all their hair. Also, regarding the perception that women over 40 are “hard”–’some’ men over 40 are quite rigid in their expectations and ’some’ of them are so bitter you wonder why they are dating in the first place. Perhaps to get back to that time of life when sex and relationships were merely sport and conquests?
Those observations aside, we still do tend to find someone we really connect with when we’re truly open to it. At any age.
Selena Apr 8th 2008 at 02:51 am 18
JersyGirl-
Harrison Ford is not of my generation, but he popped into my generation’s attention in the first “Star Wars” movie when he was in his 30’s and my girlfriends and I were in our teens. It’s been a pleasure to watch him over the last 30 yrs. He’s aged remarkably well.
Is there an entertainment star you admire (or did as a teen) who is 12 or more yrs. your senior? If so, it might amuse you in the coming decades to see how well THEY age.
Michael Ejercito Apr 8th 2008 at 06:00 am 19
Evan,
How would being divorced with a kid appeal to younger women who are neither divorced nor have a kid?
Steve Apr 8th 2008 at 07:42 am 20
Selena Apr 8th 2008 at 02:13 am 17
some’ men over 40 are quite rigid in their expectations and ’some’ of them are so bitter you wonder why they are dating in the first place.
– or hanging out on dating blogs. Some of them are younger too.
Paul Apr 8th 2008 at 09:19 am 21
The founder of E-Harmony says 6 years either way is about tops. I agree for a host of reasons. It’s a matter of sameness…the more you have the same, ie. background, education, culture, AGE… the more likely the relationship will survive long term. The more differences there are, the more you’ll have to get around. My Dad on the other hand married a woman 25 years younger than he and from a culture half way around the world…been married over 40 years and raised 2 kids. Go figure. The longer you live however, the less age diffference makes a difference. A 40 year old married to a 20 year old would raise some eyebrows. However an 80 year old with a 60 year old? No big deal. I frankly, as much as I’m attracted to the younger form, do not want a gal who is more concerned with things like child rearing if I’m more into retirement planning. Stage of life issues. As my Mom used to say, “find someone you have a lot in common with”.
Selena Apr 8th 2008 at 09:48 am 22
Steve,
Yes I’ve noticed that as well. Seems like a waste of time, but if you don’t have anything else to do…?
Selena Apr 8th 2008 at 10:14 am 23
Paul,
I disagree that age difference matters less with age. At age 60, many (most?) people are still quite active. At 80 that is much, much less the case–frailty is more the norm.
The 20’s is an era of such personal change, usually more so than later decades so a relationship between a 20 yr. old and a 40 yr. old might prove difficult as the younger partner progresses through that decade. Person’s in their 30’s, 40’s, & 50’s are more likely to be in more complementary stages of life where differences in age might be mitigated by circumstances (ie: child-rearing, careers).
dame4net Apr 8th 2008 at 10:59 am 24
Older guys definately have higher social value and are more mature. Fatter incomes, more assets, experience, wisdom, and well traveled and higher EQ, not mention more time as they likely work less or can take early retirement as they have more money. I see why younger women go for older men and I see it all the time online. These young women who are not ready to settle down and pick out older, mature men. Not to mention women are waiting longer these days to have children and families, so what is wrong with dating an older man for a few years before settling down?
Steve Apr 8th 2008 at 11:02 am 25
Selena;
About post #22. I agree that it is a waste of time. I’ve been in that kind of loop in my life before. You are so consumed with venting your emotions ( over and over again ) and so obsessed with getting other people to validate your experience that you don’t see that you are caught in an time wasting loop of fruitless repeated experiences. You don’t see that you aren’t moving forward.
If you can’t see the problem, you can’t fix it.
The problem isn’t that reality is unfair. It is unfair for everyone. People who are happy despite a given issue are happy because they work with reality as it is rather than demanding to be validated.
Dittohd Apr 8th 2008 at 11:10 am 26
I think this is a really ridiculous topic. I can’t imagine why any younger woman would want an older man. In fact, assuming that women get smarter as they get older, why would any woman want an older man considering older men are so inherantly so unattractive? An older man as compared to a younger man is generally smarter, more financially secure, a more experienced lover and diaper changer. He’s more experienced at resolving child behavior problems, not so easily frazzled when most other problems in life arise, and better at knowing what women in general want and in communicating with his woman to ascertain what his woman actually wants… and possibly even more interested in providing his woman what she wants if she’s providing him what he wants from the relationship, than a younger man would in many cases.
The things younger men have over older men seem to be more stamina in bed and a younger body. I can totally understand why, to most women, how these could totally overpower all the advantages previously mentioned older men generally have over younger men. I can totally understand why women would look down on all these properties of older men over the younger men’s advantages.
What I totally don’t understand is the difference in their stage in life as mentioned before and how that should make much of a difference. Whether a woman stays home or works outside the home, both a man and woman most of the time spend most of their time separated, seeking differing individual goals in the individual work they do daily. Regardless of age, they still both eat and seek entertainment in between the time they aren’t working separately. They still, regardless of age, go to movies, attend entertainment venues that they have in common, take care of their pets and children, etc, etc. So if they determine that they have many similar interests, why would age make a difference considering men and women are, by nature, very different to begin with? Seems to me that any differences between an older man and younger woman are very often common among men and women of similar ages, considering that all men are different and all women are different. So why couldn’t younger women find older men who are very compatible with them?
One more question. Considering that most marriages in this country end within a relatively short amount of time, is it possible that we are doing things wrong? I wonder which relationships actually last longer on average… couples who are within a few years of age or those with much wider differences in age. Would we be better off if all young women married much older men and then later in life when older, marry much younger men?
Hmmmmmmmmmmm!
Nina Apr 8th 2008 at 03:18 pm 27
I’m 27 and I find older men incredibly attractive. I had a crush on my father’s friend growing up and I still think he’s one of the most attractive older men I have ever met. The thing is, he was also smart and interesting. I think that is what attracts me to older men. They are so much more mature, interesting, and self aware than men my age. Most of the men my age I have met like to party. I don’t. They like to take pictures with as many hot looking girls as they can find and post them on facebook and myspace for everyone to see how cool that makes them. I’m not saying they’re all like that but I have met my share. In general I just think oder men have more to offer a woman than a 25-35 yr old does.
Lance Apr 8th 2008 at 04:03 pm 28
@Nina: There you have it! Younger women like older guys because of their social value, and older guys like younger women because of their hotness and energy. Attraction in a nutshell.
Sarah G Apr 8th 2008 at 05:06 pm 29
I’d put it this way — relationships that are only about sex are very boring. If a guy sees a woman as “only three holes” he is boring. You do not want to spend time with him in relationship — but it’s good to know there are guys like that out there if you need a booty call. They are easy. At some point guys figure this out and they become immensely attractive as life partners — because well, maybe women want both sex AND relationship. Until the young bucks figure this out, they are just not worth the time of day. Things that men can find in relationship with a woman besides the “three holes”: laughter, companionship, intelligence, warmth, comfort, a family, a partner in building wealth, a caregiver, an ally, a buddy, another driver on long road trips.
Sarah G Apr 8th 2008 at 05:07 pm 30
By figuring “this” out I meant that relationships that are only about sex are boring. That relationship can offer more than that.
JerseyGirl Apr 8th 2008 at 05:54 pm 31
Lance, you should remember that Nina can’t possibly speak for all women. Yes, some women like dating older men, some women don’t. There has been evidence in the posting here where women have said they don’t want to date older, and there has been evidence that some don’t mind dating older. It’s kind of funny as soon as one posts that she does, you equate that to her speaking for all women.
I don’t have a problem with older men/ younger women relationships or younger men / older women relationships. What I take issue with is that men somehow have this stigma against women where they think women are worth less for aging while men try primp themselves up as being better with age. It’s a crappy way to treat an entire gender. And those are the men that young or older women alike have to stay away from.
JerseyGirl Apr 8th 2008 at 05:55 pm 32
I also want to add that I am in my 20s and none of my friends date, or have an interest in dating older men. Most are in long term relatoinships with men near their age or within 7 years of each other.
hunter Apr 8th 2008 at 07:13 pm 33
Research and studies show, successful relationships have a 15 year age difference, the man is older. Women date younger men through out most of Europe common practice.
Deathslayer Apr 8th 2008 at 07:14 pm 34
What I take issue with is that men somehow have this stigma against women where they think women are worth less for aging while men try primp themselves up as being better with age.
*
What stigma? Ask yourself this, IF a man keeps himself in shape and develops maturity and respect, he can get young women, so what’ the problem.
A woman who develops a FEMININE attitude, keeps herself in shape, and has a NICE personality can also get men interested.
As I said in an earlier post…people are VISUAL…if you are older, have a nasty scowl, a mean personality, you’re not gonna get noticed.
Men typically want women who are not battle hardened and still have some feminine charm…as a lot of women these days get older, they have never developed that and basically men say if I’m gonna deal with a woman, it’s best to get her at the peak of ripeness and freshness.
It’s a crappy way to treat an entire gender. And those are the men that young or older women alike have to stay away from.
*
Thing is, will that stop women from complaining that they don’t have a man?
23% of men are on a dating BOYCOTT…many women complain they can’t find a man even though a woman who looks and acts feminine has guys asking her out close to a 1000 times a year and somehow they CAN’T find a good men worth getting to know?
Why blame the men? If women don’t want us to bother with them, then I’m sure we can find something else to occupy our time and women who WE can get to know.
So far, women want the man to come up and talk to them, pay for the date, still love her when she ages, still respect her and desire her and not call out what men have known for ages…
Now, I want EVERY guy here to ask this question:
WHAT’S IN IT FOR ME?
hunter Apr 8th 2008 at 07:17 pm 35
to Nina,
Studies show younger women “bond” with older men.
Michael Ejercito Apr 8th 2008 at 07:37 pm 36
Things that men can find in relationship with a woman besides the “three holes”: laughter, companionship, intelligence, warmth, comfort, a family, a partner in building wealth, a caregiver, an ally, a buddy, another driver on long road trips.
This is true.
Of course, women should show they can offer something besides a hole or three, or else they will only hook up with men who are only interested in a hole or three.
Lance Apr 8th 2008 at 07:47 pm 37
@Jersey: My comment was tongue in cheek. Things were getting a little too serious around here. Seriously though, I’m of the “To Each His or Her Own” line of thinking. Young chick, older guy? Cool. Older chick, younger guy? Rock on sister.
Also, can I get your number?
Mia Apr 8th 2008 at 08:52 pm 38
If the rumours are anywhere near correct then is it not true that about half of all marriages end in divorce within the first 2-7 years? So who cares who is older or by how many years? It’s not like couples are actually growing old together any way. Til death do us part allegedly died decades ago. I say enjoy the limited time you have with whoever you are with. All this fuss about gregorian calender age differences are, in IMHO, moot.
Steve Apr 9th 2008 at 05:22 am 39
Mia, a very intelligent point ( post 38 )
Steve Apr 9th 2008 at 05:27 am 40
Lance;
May I suggest that after incorporating what you learn from reading your pickup artist (PUA) books you go on to add your own experience to your beliefs and think for yourself? I mean no offense. Sometimes you sound like a new convert to a religion robotically repeating doctrine into whatever subject comes up.
christine Apr 9th 2008 at 06:15 am 41
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Lance Apr 9th 2008 at 06:31 am 42
@Steve: I’m only on month 16 of my PUA journey, so much of what I spout will sound like doctrine because I haven’t experienced enough to make innovative breakthroughs. Although, if you want the original stuff, read my blog. BTW, what doctrine do you subscribe too?
Michael Ejercito Apr 9th 2008 at 07:07 am 43
Studies show that most studies are made up.
Sara Apr 9th 2008 at 08:27 am 44
Tough topic, I’m impressed you took it on. This issue is a tricky one because its not the same for everyone. But if we just think about what drives most people (money, power, sex, beauty) we can make pretty accurate conclusions.
vino Apr 9th 2008 at 03:02 pm 45
There would be no need for viagra if all older guys had young chicas…
hunter Apr 9th 2008 at 03:41 pm 46
to Sara,
You sound like a very smart, intelligent, well read woman.
hunter Apr 9th 2008 at 03:49 pm 47
To Michael Ejercito,
You said, “Studies show that most studies are made up.” LOL!…..how funny!…
hunter Apr 9th 2008 at 04:02 pm 48
To deathslayer,
What is in it for us men?……you seem to be well read, smart, and, very intelligent…..
Hot Alpha Female Apr 10th 2008 at 09:03 pm 49
You know I go with … “whatever floats your boat”.
Some chicks like older guys. Some chicks like younger guys. Who am i to say anything? Each to their own.
I can see why girls would want to go out with older guys though. Usually they just have more life experience, tend to be more dominant because of their age and prolly more mentally mature.
I’m 20 n relatively mature for my age and i find people who are my age … just not there “with it” enough to me.
With that said .. i still don’t think that i would date a guy who was 15 years older than me. But its all about personal choice
Hot Alpha Female
http://www.hotalphafemale.blogspot.com
dadshouse Apr 11th 2008 at 09:36 pm 50
Older men are better in bed. I’m in my 40s, and I can say from experience and conversation with women of all ages that men my age (or maybe it’s just me! lol) focus more attention on her pleasure. Younger men (20s) tend to focus on their own release. Even if they pleasure a woman, it’s to get something back in the form of them getting off. Older men know that helping a woman through multiple O’s raises the sexual energy for both partners.
Any young hotties want to test out my theory? (grin)
Raindreamer Apr 13th 2008 at 04:41 am 51
In my own experience there are several reasons younger women can fancy older men, that are not as superficial than Ewan suggested.
Some of us don’t quite feel like we were born in the right generation.
Some of us are in some sense more mature than our own generation.
Some of us respect the maturity of older men.
This is more emotional stuff really.
When you think about it - it is not wise choice in general, because when men are significantly older they become old aged too fast, when you still would like to live a little - like some one commented here.
I had a crush for a man that was about 25 years older (although I was not aware of that in the beginning), but my brains did not allow me to give it out. It’d been so stupid. (He was really fit for his age - I’ve seen much worst cases about 15-20 years younger…)
JerseyGirl Apr 13th 2008 at 05:12 pm 52
DeathSlayer:
“What stigma? Ask yourself this, IF a man keeps himself in shape and develops maturity and respect, he can get young women, so what’ the problem.”
—————————————————————————–
I’ve already explained the problem. It seems men want to be valued as they grow older and develop other skills through life. There is nothing wrong with that. However, women aren’t extended that same curtsy, even from men themselves. Men want to be valued through-out their whole life, but women are constantly being told that they can expect to be looked at with less value as they live their lives.
—————————————————————————–
DeathSlayer:
“As I said in an earlier post…people are VISUAL…if you are older, have a nasty scowl, a mean personality, you’re not gonna get noticed.”
—————————————————————————–
Yes, but nasty scowls, mean personalities are not subject to just women. That is subject to people in general. Men and women.
—————————————————————————–
DeathSlayer:
Men typically want women who are not battle hardened and still have some feminine charm…
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Ohh, the irony DeathSlayer….the irony of that statment coming form you.
—————————————————————————–
Lance:
@Jersey: My comment was tongue in cheek. Things were getting a little too serious around here. ……..
Also, can I get your number?
—————————————————————————–
867-5309…..
(Couldn’t resist a good 80s song reference)
—————————————————————————-
dadshouse:
Older men are better in bed.
—————————————————————————–
Not always true my friend! Have you actually slept with any older men? I have and they are not always better in bed.
hunter Apr 13th 2008 at 09:02 pm 53
to JerseyGirl,
867-5309? Jenny, Jenny….
annie Apr 14th 2008 at 10:21 am 54
I met my ex- husband at age 18 and he was 10 years older and i would not recommend it. We changed at different rates and he got boring and settled pretty soon. I have met quite a few men now on the dating scene who have dated younger women and also found the lack of similar interests and different energy levels to get in the way.
Many women in their 40’s finally have the chance to do what they want in life. One of my profs in college was married to a much younger woman who was starting to do what she always wanted, so while he wanted to go walking on the beach he instead found himself waiting around in theatre lobbies for her show to end. He was lonely.
I have dated men up to 12 years younger, not because I am into younger men, but just happened that way. Now I want someone closer to my age. The older men tend to have health issues and want someone who will eventually nurse them, and often if they are wealthy they have major control issues.
I have had younger men fall in love with me because I am intelligent, cultured, have a power base — and I am not fooled — it is my mind and the power thing that dazzles them, but they are too immature to be able to separate those out. The same for young women who fall for older powerful men. Often it is their mind or the aura, but the men take advantage of the confusion and create a romance. I want a partner who has their own life and is stimulating to me, but who also likes what I do. A lot of young women are not in the place, but should be allowed to get their by not going into dependent relationships, be is material or emotional.
The daddy thing is still quite strong, society still puts out the dream to females that they will find a prince charming just by being pretty and dependent.
Selena Apr 14th 2008 at 12:39 pm 55
Older men are not always better in bed. Sometimes they have *problems*.
hunter Apr 14th 2008 at 05:38 pm 56
To selena,
I am a half a century old, the only problem I have in bed, is when a woman doesn’t participate. Most women(divorcees, some twice) in my age group, want to be worshipped in bed, nothing wrong with that, a woman can find the young “buck” if they want to be that way.
annie Apr 15th 2008 at 08:21 am 57
The older men I have dated are not better in bed. It depends upon if the man is a sensualist or not. I am also very visual, it has been proven by experiments that women are too, once they allow themselves and know how. Being that way it is a problem to see older men’s bodies and try to get turned on. That is where one has to grow spiritually and as a person on life’s journey, and create deeper bonds with the person.
I hated my dad’s friends checking me out — also male employers some of whom tried to cop touches. My two daughters, now late twenties, do not seem to like older men when they have been approached. I think that “youth cleaves unto youth” when the people are not dysfunctional and trying to fill some loss. It makes sense to face old age and death with someone who is looking at the same thing. No amount of money will change that we all get old, and I have seen some wealthy old men feel a loss of control when the money they used to “buy” and control the young wife then gets into her hands because the guy is getting senile and incapable. It makes him resentful and irritable, and she does not have to take it like she did when she was dependent, so they quarrel. Older people of similar age can quarrel too, if they have not taken the time to grow and adjust to the stage of life they are in — and to take extra care of their relationship.
hunter Apr 17th 2008 at 11:55 pm 58
To annie,
More and more, so I hear, that is a woman’s downfall, young women select men with their eyes……it is usually, not until a woman gets into her 40’s that she will select a man by what he has to say….supposedly a better choice…
HansonGD Apr 29th 2008 at 03:55 am 59
It is really hard to describe,… the “it just is!” feelings. When I was 21, met a 55 y/o through friends, and he was a jerk- thought he was a GOD!- really, he is! We are just made/meant to BE! He was the one that had a problem with the age, and how it looked. Now, finally, he doesn’t blink, I am 1 mo. shy 0f 33. He just turned 67. We don’t live together anymore, or me with him, rather. But, we have just now, finallu, understood one another, now accepted . We are each others’ Psychological need - everything else, just follows. He is my mentor. His mind, and ideals are in his “style”. He is the only one, ever, who can pick my brain to “ease”! He and I are both, headstrong, independent, mysterious, caring, impatient, intolerant, master- minds ‘of the day’. I am his muse, and “fountain” of youth. He is my “professor” for me living MY life, right. I love him with every ounce of my soul! We need eachother to maintain our health, youth, and- all that we are! Not to mention- Our sex life has remained “absolute perfection”- still increases daily (12 yrs. so far) .” Just 2 kids in a candy store.” You can only understand completely by being there! It is just “something-… else”. That’s the only way to really put it. It is, what it “is”. That’s it!
biggleggz May 1st 2008 at 02:51 pm 60
i am dating a much older man and he is not that hot in bed he is always tired and watching tv all the time he is retired and he is 15 years older than me i’m 49 he can take me to the better places but the communication has broken down i try to keep the relationship fires burning romantic dinners keep my body in shape and all he wants to watch police videos and the sports channel the comments that older men want a young woman to make them feel they still got it but most of them they have to pay a price why not accept the fact that you are old
biggleggz May 1st 2008 at 03:06 pm 61
to hunter you said women want to be worshipped in bed why not or are you one of the old guys just do your thing and get off and don’t satisfy your mate since you are a decade old that is why we choose younger guys to cater to our bodies and will get more partcipation in bed how is your luv life must be boring you can’t keep it up
hunter May 1st 2008 at 11:23 pm 62
to biggleggz,
I can’t keep it up?….LOL!…how funny!…hhmmmhh
JAy May 12th 2008 at 12:09 pm 63
I am 18 and the man i am falling in love with is 30. Things are going great and all. I dont really care much for his age other than the fact that i am still learning to cope with the real world and he’s already in it. I am not really that domesticated…my life is just starting and his is already going…he wants a family and things that i want to give him but cant and am not ready to give him at this stage in my life. Any advice?
Megan D May 20th 2008 at 04:31 pm 64
Age is just a number it what you have in common and how you fit together I am 18 and my boyfriend is 38 we have been dating for 6 months and so going we make each other laugh and smile we never have a dull moment. and for most people that think younger women only date older men for finical support is not true because I look for the inner beauty not how much they make or what martials they can get me our relationship is strictly love and chemistry! I love him to the bottome of my heart!
Michael Ejercito May 20th 2008 at 09:11 pm 65
So what could you possibly have in common, Megan?
T Jun 18th 2008 at 09:18 am 66
Dating an older man. I’ve always found older men more attractive.
It’s all about maturity. Now are there very immature old men, you bet, are there very mature young men, yes. but generally they are the exception to the rule.
Older men listen and know how to treat a woman. Instead of a bar playing beer pong they are ok with a beer or two and conversation. In the bedroom it’s an amazing experience; they slow down and there goal is to give you as much pleasure as possible, and they derive pleasure from your pleasure.
As far as personality, men’s personality is diverse no matter what age.
I started my family young, I have two kids.
It’s all about the maturity and the ablity to talk things out. I don’t see myself not dating older men. As far as attraction goes, the hottest movie stars out there are over 40, Brad Pitt, Johnny Depp, and yes Harrison Ford.
I think age is too much of a focus. If two 20 year olds date, and they break up people just accept it, but if a 20 year old and a 40 year old date and they break up, people say it was “the age thing”, and in both it’s about incompatability in whatever form it came in.
Harry W Smith Sep 29th 2008 at 07:27 am 67
Megan D
38 is not old. Have you ever dated a man in his sixty?
Harry
Lynn Oct 21st 2008 at 11:28 pm 68
I have been reading all of the comments and they all hold true. All people date other people for different reasons. I have dated men 9 years younger, my age, and am now attracted to a man 15 years older. If the relationship is about security, money, and a younger better looking body it probably will fail age difference or not. The trick is if you really are attracted to the other person physically as well as mentally don’t let any reason keep you from going for happiness. Also, all the best relationship I witness is where people stay true to themselves. There was a comment about the older person not being as active. That doesn’t mean you can’t. My friends that have husbands the “same age” as them go on vegas vactions with just the girls’. Those friends have good marriages.
As far as when he gets “old” and the woman has to take care of him. Seriously, none of you know anyone who had to take care of thier spouse dying of cancer or other medical issues in thier 30, 40’s or 50’s. I have watched people take care of each other and they do it because they truly love that person. I want that kind of love. May not find it with someone 15 years older, but I am not missing a chance.
As far as the men being only concerened about “3 holes”. Those type of guys are in every age braket. That is lucky for us, how else would we get through “dry” spells.
Ash Nov 9th 2008 at 02:48 pm 69
i’ll be 22 in March, and my fiancée just turned 48(his bday is in Sept) we plan on getting married by 2010.. age doesn’t matter when it comes to matters of the heart.
jay Nov 16th 2008 at 09:53 am 70
Im 55, the girl is 23. I must say its fun being togeher. We expect nothing more from each other than just that. If she wanted to, I woud settle down in a heartbeat. I offer to do material things for her because it makes me happy to see her happy. She is happy at the thought of me treating her as an individulal, and not a sex object. I see younger couples with less than 5 years age difference, not enjoying each other as much as we do. While I suspect that we may never marry, nothing could destroy our presonal committment of trust and friendship. The years between us is just that, a space of time that has somhow bridged us together. Being older does not nessecarily mean I will pass on before she does. I am comforable with her doing the ‘younger’ things that’s grounded in her age group. Together, as a couple, we respect the age difference, and it has never came in to play, sexually, activitly, or socially. We truely have a great relationship. In her own words, ‘…being with you and around you is wonderful, I truely feel satisfied that you are in my life .’ I feel the same. While everyone throw out the pros and cons about the age difference, I’m glad that, no matter how long ours last, we enjoy each other to the fullest.
Kat Nov 16th 2008 at 08:02 pm 71
There is no commonality with a woman in her 20’s and a man in his 40’s or 50’s. He looks more like her father than her husband/boyfriend. Any kids he might have are embarassed by his advanced age and by people asking if he’s their grandfather. Older men are not physically attractive and their sperm declines after 35, cause chromosomal problems. The only thing they have going for them is money and resources, which women gravitate to. This is why the only women you see with much older men are those men with tons of money. What does this say about Mr. Dec./Ms. May? As far as the older man being truly attractive to the younger women, both parties know the truth.
Kat Nov 16th 2008 at 08:29 pm 72
Like many others, I met my husband when I was 28 and he was 42. We always did a lot of physical things together, such as hiking, walking, swimming, travelling, biking, etc. When he got into his 50’s he developed heart issues and many of these things are now out of the question as he gets overexerted. I am still young enough to take part in these activities and often do so alone now, as I still have excess energy at 42. Age becomes more of an issue as the man and woman get older and the woman still wants to lead an active life as opposed to being a couch potato.
Harry Nov 17th 2008 at 08:43 am 73
You expain about men in their 40s and 50s with younger woman, but not about those in their 60s and 70s who can still have sex. All the man has to do is go to a fitness center and get on the treadmill,and a buy a penis pump.A penis pump exercises the penis. I have a penis pump, and it works very well. My penis has gotten longer. I don’t fall a sleep while doing it on top of a younger woman.Go to a health store. There are people there who can help you find herbs for the penis. Buy a book and dvds on how to exercise the face muscles, by Carole Maggio. The face also has muscles. the man would look much younger. The only men in their 60s and 70s who can not have sex anynore are the ones who smoke, drink,take drugs given by a doctor. I seen older men on treadmills running faster than me. That a lot of BS that that older men in their 60s and 70s can’t have sex. These older men know how to please a younger woman, and they take their time do it.
Harry
moonsical Nov 17th 2008 at 06:48 pm 74
Evan, one obvious answer might be that no matter what a woman’s age, a certain percentage of the male cohort is out chasing even younger women. I hear of 24 year old men dating girls in high school.
moon