Comments on: Why Would a Person Choose Religion Over Me? http://www.advicefromasingledatingexpert.com/why-would-he-choose-religion-over-me/ Because who knows more about dating than a guy who's still dating? Fri, 05 Dec 2008 03:33:37 +0000 http://wordpress.org/?v=2.6.5 By: Megan http://www.advicefromasingledatingexpert.com/why-would-he-choose-religion-over-me/#comment-2255 Megan Mon, 03 Dec 2007 20:45:53 +0000 http://www.advicefromasingledatingexpert.com/why-would-he-choose-religion-over-me/#comment-2255 I sort of agree with Evan on this but not entirely. I am agnostic. I wasn't really raised religious and don't have any religious feelings for the most part. However I seem to attract Jewish guys and my most significant relationships have been with Jewish men. My last and probably most significant was such a wonderful experience, partially because he is Jewish. Though I don't have the same faith he has I was genuinely interested in learning about it, not just for the sake of knowing more about him but also because I genuinely cared about who he was and that was a big part of what made him the kind and loving person he has become. Of course we discussed the issue of religion and when we talked about marriage it was sort of a given that it would be a mostly Jewish ceremony though he in no way expected me to convert. So in this case our differences brought us together instead of driving us apart. I think thats part of a good relationship, embracing each other's differences and learning about them without wanting to change each other. On the other hand we broke up so what do i know!? I have a hunch that a large part of our very sudden breakup had to with his mother not wanting him to be with a woman who isn't Jewish. I don't know for a fact that this is why but there are indicators and well so be it. Not much I can do about that now, however my point is that his being Jewish is part of what I LOVED about him and I appreciated that he appreciated my wanting to know about his faith even if I didn't agree or want to convert. So I think differences can be just as much an asset to a relationship as they can be a hindrance. Best of luck. I sort of agree with Evan on this but not entirely. I am agnostic. I wasn’t really raised religious and don’t have any religious feelings for the most part. However I seem to attract Jewish guys and my most significant relationships have been with Jewish men. My last and probably most significant was such a wonderful experience, partially because he is Jewish. Though I don’t have the same faith he has I was genuinely interested in learning about it, not just for the sake of knowing more about him but also because I genuinely cared about who he was and that was a big part of what made him the kind and loving person he has become. Of course we discussed the issue of religion and when we talked about marriage it was sort of a given that it would be a mostly Jewish ceremony though he in no way expected me to convert. So in this case our differences brought us together instead of driving us apart. I think thats part of a good relationship, embracing each other’s differences and learning about them without wanting to change each other.
On the other hand we broke up so what do i know!? I have a hunch that a large part of our very sudden breakup had to with his mother not wanting him to be with a woman who isn’t Jewish. I don’t know for a fact that this is why but there are indicators and well so be it. Not much I can do about that now, however my point is that his being Jewish is part of what I LOVED about him and I appreciated that he appreciated my wanting to know about his faith even if I didn’t agree or want to convert. So I think differences can be just as much an asset to a relationship as they can be a hindrance. Best of luck.

]]> By: Stephanie http://www.advicefromasingledatingexpert.com/why-would-he-choose-religion-over-me/#comment-2225 Stephanie Sat, 01 Dec 2007 10:40:58 +0000 http://www.advicefromasingledatingexpert.com/why-would-he-choose-religion-over-me/#comment-2225 Kudos to number 4 too! That's what I wanted to imply. I had hard time trying to express my point but JaguarRose did express it accurately. Hehe, though my boyfriend is an Aglican. he believes on God but he doesn't believe much on the Bible coz for him, it's more of stories. Well, I use to emphasize, it's more than stories. It's about God opening the way for mankind. Well, the Old Testament are more of stories but REAL! If the Bible isn't true, then why it is arrurately put into one place, the whole things in the Bible are consistent. And oh well, coz we have different beliefs, and for him I am religious at times, we rather not discuss it coz i know it'll just lead to disagreement. But even so, I try to let him see that I walk the walk and not just talk. :) Kudos to number 4 too! That’s what I wanted to imply. I had hard time trying to express my point but JaguarRose did express it accurately. Hehe, though my boyfriend is an Aglican. he believes on God but he doesn’t believe much on the Bible coz for him, it’s more of stories. Well, I use to emphasize, it’s more than stories. It’s about God opening the way for mankind. Well, the Old Testament are more of stories but REAL! If the Bible isn’t true, then why it is arrurately put into one place, the whole things in the Bible are consistent.

And oh well, coz we have different beliefs, and for him I am religious at times, we rather not discuss it coz i know it’ll just lead to disagreement. But even so, I try to let him see that I walk the walk and not just talk. :)

]]> By: WannaGetMatzoBalled http://www.advicefromasingledatingexpert.com/why-would-he-choose-religion-over-me/#comment-2156 WannaGetMatzoBalled Thu, 29 Nov 2007 03:06:32 +0000 http://www.advicefromasingledatingexpert.com/why-would-he-choose-religion-over-me/#comment-2156 You're right about the yoking up part. Which is why I yoke up exclusively with cute, funny, smart Jewish guys. A nonbeliever just wouldn't suit me. :) You’re right about the yoking up part. Which is why I yoke up exclusively with cute, funny, smart Jewish guys.

A nonbeliever just wouldn’t suit me. :)

]]> By: Susan http://www.advicefromasingledatingexpert.com/why-would-he-choose-religion-over-me/#comment-2148 Susan Wed, 28 Nov 2007 20:08:29 +0000 http://www.advicefromasingledatingexpert.com/why-would-he-choose-religion-over-me/#comment-2148 I'm just wondering if this devout Catholic was a virgin? Or did he pick and choose the parts he believed in? He talked the talk, but did he walk the walk? I’m just wondering if this devout Catholic was a virgin? Or did he pick and choose the parts he believed in? He talked the talk, but did he walk the walk?

]]> By: Stephanie http://www.advicefromasingledatingexpert.com/why-would-he-choose-religion-over-me/#comment-2140 Stephanie Wed, 28 Nov 2007 04:21:37 +0000 http://www.advicefromasingledatingexpert.com/why-would-he-choose-religion-over-me/#comment-2140 Also, there's a great difference on someone being religious and someone who's spiritual. Anyone can be religious as he believes on his faith, he believes on God. But a religious person may not be a spiritual person. A spiritual person is one who exercise his faith--that means--- living what he has believed. Your boyfriend is spiritual, though. Coz he really acted according to his faith. It doesn't mean that your boyfriend must donate the whole money on the poor as he wants to help. That is great, really great! But it doesn't mean that HE SHOULD LEAVE HIS RESPONSIBILITIES & PRIORITIES HE WOULD HAVE AS A HUSBAND OR AS A FATHER TO HIS CHILDREN. Of course, he has to pay the mortgage, spare some for the kid's college fund. And if he has extra money, then that's the time he should donate. NOT ALL OF HIS MONEY. Coz how would you eat, how would u live if you dont have your primary needs, right? Also, there’s a great difference on someone being religious and someone who’s spiritual. Anyone can be religious as he believes on his faith, he believes on God. But a religious person may not be a spiritual person. A spiritual person is one who exercise his faith–that means— living what he has believed. Your boyfriend is spiritual, though. Coz he really acted according to his faith.

It doesn’t mean that your boyfriend must donate the whole money on the poor as he wants to help. That is great, really great! But it doesn’t mean that HE SHOULD LEAVE HIS RESPONSIBILITIES & PRIORITIES HE WOULD HAVE AS A HUSBAND OR AS A FATHER TO HIS CHILDREN. Of course, he has to pay the mortgage, spare some for the kid’s college fund. And if he has extra money, then that’s the time he should donate. NOT ALL OF HIS MONEY. Coz how would you eat, how would u live if you dont have your primary needs, right?

]]> By: Stephanie http://www.advicefromasingledatingexpert.com/why-would-he-choose-religion-over-me/#comment-2139 Stephanie Wed, 28 Nov 2007 04:13:25 +0000 http://www.advicefromasingledatingexpert.com/why-would-he-choose-religion-over-me/#comment-2139 Evan is right. But, there really comes a time when you need to give up something when you choose to live spiritually. because it can hinder your relationship to God. In our love seminar, I asked the question: Is it alright to have a non-Christian (spiritual) partner? The only main thing the Pastor and his wife gave is based on the Bible. "Do not equally yoke with an unbeliever." We might disagree on that. But it is what it is. The main thing there is you just have to make sure you won't be one with the world or you won't be astrayed if you choose someone unspiritual. I know not everyone will understand my point and i do not mean to tackle more about this as many might war me on this. When one becomes a spiritual Christian (catholic, Pentecostal, Evangelistic, Seventh-Day adventist,etc), he reads the Bible, attends church regularly, be active in Church, and living the life God leads him, it is where he learns the value of sacrificing life to God. So it's like, "God or that special someone?" It is also, "Love means obedience of the heart." As simply as that, I think. Evan is right. But, there really comes a time when you need to give up something when you choose to live spiritually. because it can hinder your relationship to God. In our love seminar, I asked the question: Is it alright to have a non-Christian (spiritual) partner? The only main thing the Pastor and his wife gave is based on the Bible. “Do not equally yoke with an unbeliever.”

We might disagree on that. But it is what it is. The main thing there is you just have to make sure you won’t be one with the world or you won’t be astrayed if you choose someone unspiritual. I know not everyone will understand my point and i do not mean to tackle more about this as many might war me on this.

When one becomes a spiritual Christian (catholic, Pentecostal, Evangelistic, Seventh-Day adventist,etc), he reads the Bible, attends church regularly, be active in Church, and living the life God leads him, it is where he learns the value of sacrificing life to God. So it’s like, “God or that special someone?” It is also, “Love means obedience of the heart.” As simply as that, I think.

]]> By: JenNYC http://www.advicefromasingledatingexpert.com/why-would-he-choose-religion-over-me/#comment-2132 JenNYC Tue, 27 Nov 2007 17:31:45 +0000 http://www.advicefromasingledatingexpert.com/why-would-he-choose-religion-over-me/#comment-2132 Evan's final sentence is hilarious! Though I truly think two people need to be on the same page about religion, and well, most things when it comes to being in a relationship. My boyfriend and I, for example, have talked about whether or not I will work when we have kids. We BOTH agree that if I need to work, or I want to work, than I will work. If we are financially able for me not to work, than I will not. (The truth being I WANT to work as of now so there is no argument.) Okay, so this is nto the same as the religion thing, but we are on the same page and both made it very clear to each other what we expect so as not to have many suprises about our feelings in the years to come....and of course things and circumstances change. Your man very honestly expressed to you what he feels he wants and must do in the future, so THANK GD (Jesus or whomever) that you know now, and not when you are married, with two kids and living in a one bedroom apartment because he donated 60% of his money to charity when the rent was not paid and the kids need shoes. I do not mean to be funny, but seriously, wouldnt you rather know this now that move forward and wind up resenting him and perhaps even divorcing him????? It hurts and I am sorry he made that choice, but in the end, after the tears and anger dissipate, you will see how this was truly the best thing that could have happened. Good luck, and you will find a great man who believes as you do!!!! Jen :) Evan’s final sentence is hilarious! Though I truly think two people need to be on the same page about religion, and well, most things when it comes to being in a relationship. My boyfriend and I, for example, have talked about whether or not I will work when we have kids. We BOTH agree that if I need to work, or I want to work, than I will work. If we are financially able for me not to work, than I will not. (The truth being I WANT to work as of now so there is no argument.) Okay, so this is nto the same as the religion thing, but we are on the same page and both made it very clear to each other what we expect so as not to have many suprises about our feelings in the years to come….and of course things and circumstances change.

Your man very honestly expressed to you what he feels he wants and must do in the future, so THANK GD (Jesus or whomever) that you know now, and not when you are married, with two kids and living in a one bedroom apartment because he donated 60% of his money to charity when the rent was not paid and the kids need shoes. I do not mean to be funny, but seriously, wouldnt you rather know this now that move forward and wind up resenting him and perhaps even divorcing him?????

It hurts and I am sorry he made that choice, but in the end, after the tears and anger dissipate, you will see how this was truly the best thing that could have happened. Good luck, and you will find a great man who believes as you do!!!!

Jen :)

]]> By: Kat Wilder http://www.advicefromasingledatingexpert.com/why-would-he-choose-religion-over-me/#comment-2125 Kat Wilder Tue, 27 Nov 2007 06:34:06 +0000 http://www.advicefromasingledatingexpert.com/why-would-he-choose-religion-over-me/#comment-2125 Faith is a very individual thing, and some people can practice theirs independent of a partner and others want share it with a partner with the same vision and values. There's no right or wrong; it just is. And if that partnership decides to have kids, well, that adds another layer. As Evan says, we often don't know the "why" of things, and as disturbing as that may be, it's just something we have to accept. If you live your life honestly and mindfully, then you don't have to beat yourself up wondering "what did I do?" Glad to hear you've moved on and are at peace. Maybe this has even forced you to look at your own faith and clarify its role in your life. Faith is a very individual thing, and some people can practice theirs independent of a partner and others want share it with a partner with the same vision and values. There’s no right or wrong; it just is. And if that partnership decides to have kids, well, that adds another layer.

As Evan says, we often don’t know the “why” of things, and as disturbing as that may be, it’s just something we have to accept. If you live your life honestly and mindfully, then you don’t have to beat yourself up wondering “what did I do?”

Glad to hear you’ve moved on and are at peace. Maybe this has even forced you to look at your own faith and clarify its role in your life.

]]> By: downtowngal http://www.advicefromasingledatingexpert.com/why-would-he-choose-religion-over-me/#comment-2124 downtowngal Tue, 27 Nov 2007 05:14:31 +0000 http://www.advicefromasingledatingexpert.com/why-would-he-choose-religion-over-me/#comment-2124 If your faith and values are so important to you then you should only date someone within your faith. If marriage and children are your goal then religion becomes a greater issue. Otherwise you'll only hurt the person with whom you become involved. I disagree with Evan to a point - being Jewish, for example, if you live in a city with a large Jewish population (LA or NY) and your faith is that much of a issue you, then there's enough of a dating pool for you to target. If you really believe in being Jewish and raising a Jewish family then there are enough ways for you to meet other Jewish people. Lots of people grow up with a certain sense of values based on faith. I'm not saying it's wrong or right, just that, as someone who grew up with a rich tradition based on faith I can understand why someone would feel this way. Alternatively, if you date someone outside of your faith and realize you love this person then you have to make a decision. And many people decide to go with the person. If someone decides that their faith is more important then move on. Either way realize that it's not you, it's them. If your faith and values are so important to you then you should only date someone within your faith. If marriage and children are your goal then religion becomes a greater issue. Otherwise you’ll only hurt the person with whom you become involved.

I disagree with Evan to a point - being Jewish, for example, if you live in a city with a large Jewish population (LA or NY) and your faith is that much of a issue you, then there’s enough of a dating pool for you to target. If you really believe in being Jewish and raising a Jewish family then there are enough ways for you to meet other Jewish people.

Lots of people grow up with a certain sense of values based on faith. I’m not saying it’s wrong or right, just that, as someone who grew up with a rich tradition based on faith I can understand why someone would feel this way.

Alternatively, if you date someone outside of your faith and realize you love this person then you have to make a decision. And many people decide to go with the person. If someone decides that their faith is more important then move on. Either way realize that it’s not you, it’s them.

]]> By: Alan http://www.advicefromasingledatingexpert.com/why-would-he-choose-religion-over-me/#comment-2123 Alan Tue, 27 Nov 2007 04:59:40 +0000 http://www.advicefromasingledatingexpert.com/why-would-he-choose-religion-over-me/#comment-2123 I just love the punchline. Kudos for that one. Incidentally, I'm generally wary of people who are very religious. Could just be the skeptic in me. This has nothing to do with anything here except I smiled at comment #4. (Cheers!) I just love the punchline. Kudos for that one.

Incidentally, I’m generally wary of people who are very religious. Could just be the skeptic in me. This has nothing to do with anything here except I smiled at comment #4.

(Cheers!)

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