Comments on: Why Wouldn’t a Man Call Me if We Had a Great Weekend Together?

By: Hopeful

Hopeful — Sun, 06 Jan 2008 07:34:02 +0000

I recently had a very similar situation myself to Marcie and Nella and am still suffering from the fact that “he was not that into me”. I was the out-of-town girl who visited him and had a great date. We had so many things in common and the conversation was perfect and so on, and I thought I had met THE ONE. Obviously, he didn’t call me for days after the date, but he responded when I emailed him. His email was gentle and nice, but it ends with “take care”, which, I think, pretty much says “good-bye”. I know it is so clear that he was not into me, but I cannot just accept it. Would he have called me regardless of the distance, if he really liked me? If we were in the same city, would it have made any difference at all? I have learned a lot about guys from Evan’s articles but it really hurts.

By: wyandanch

wyandanch — Wed, 02 Jan 2008 18:20:18 +0000

“Why Wouldn’t a Man Call Me if We Had a Great Weekend Together?”

Its the same answer to the question “Why wouldn’t a man call me if we just did/had/went whatever/wherever”.

Answer: He’s not that into you.

By: shellacked

shellacked — Sat, 13 Oct 2007 09:07:08 +0000

Just 1 thing I don’t understand…

If evan did nothing wrong, why are you people commending his bravery in sharing his story?

By: Tara

Tara — Fri, 12 Oct 2007 03:05:30 +0000

I discovered Evan’s website tonight. While I was reading his response to Marcie I thought to myself, “Wow, I once was that out of town girl that lived in town!” Evan’s response to Marcie is so on target and full of nothing but the truth. I’m 34, single, and constantly gaining a fraction of wisdom with each date. As for this subject, it is all in a women’s expectations. A part of being single is being able to accept people coming in and out of your life. Sometimes there is no rhyme or reason. I hope Marcie can store her out of town trip in her “good memories” file. Eventually, when she comes to the refreshing change in settling down she will always have those memories to look back on and stories to tell her grandchildren. I’m glad I had the opportunity to respond.

By: downtowngal

downtowngal — Wed, 10 Oct 2007 11:48:24 +0000

Evan thanks for your response to my post. From the original response it appeared that you were inferring that out of sight out of mind was the only reason he didn’t continue. In reality we don’t know what was up with this guy - he could have been getting out of something serious, or having work troubles, or who knows?

Seems like the goal is to be realistic about your expectations and communicate them up front. Only thing is that meeting up with someone long distance can present a gray area because you havent’ met yet so you don’t konw how it will go. From the girl’s perspective - she hasn’t met the guy yet and may not want to come across as too forward and scare him away, so she may realistically think, ‘ok, let me go and check this out’. After the weekend she may not feel it’s a match anyway.

Like Evan said, chalk it up to having a fun time, memories and experience and just move on. If it’s the right guy you’ll know it.

By: Cindy

Cindy — Tue, 09 Oct 2007 05:45:20 +0000

This has been fascinating to read. I just wanted to say that I’d much rather have an idea of what the guy in question was thinking…. rather than the sugar coated version that I’d get from girlfriends. Keep up the good work

By: lorelei

lorelei — Mon, 08 Oct 2007 17:50:19 +0000

Fair enough, Evan. I didn’t realize you’d communicated up front in no uncertain terms that a relaionship was not high on your list of wants. You’re not on trial here anyway.

It’s rare that men make air-tight statements about their intentions like you did, preferring instead to be vague, and if the woman is misled by her own marriage fantasies into getting it on, then all the better for the guy, right?

I do happen to believe a man can be wrong “for treating you well on a date, on a weekend, or at any other point in time” if the underlying motive behind such actions is to encourage a woman’s misperceptions of a future together all for the sake of getting some play. I’m willing to agree to disagree on that point however.

Mainly I want to let you know how much I do appreciate this discussion. The more you and the Greg Behrendts of the world frankly discuss male mating strategies, the easier it becomes for women to recognize them and distinguish those “in the moment” guys from the real thing. Thanks.

By: Susan

Susan — Mon, 08 Oct 2007 17:06:29 +0000

Evan,

You’ve gotten yourself into some hot water with this post. I just wanted to say that not all of us ladies think you’re a dog. I, for one, really appreciate and value the candor with which address these matters. And I’m impressed that you’re willing to share so much of yourself, even when a story doesn’t show you in the best possiible light. I’m certainly not going to slam you for your refreshing honesty.

Thank you, Evan.

Susan

By: Michael

Michael — Mon, 08 Oct 2007 15:49:27 +0000

I guess he just wanted to say he had a perfect weekend politely. If you are not sure about the problem, why not ask him?

By: Evan Marc Katz

Evan Marc Katz — Sun, 07 Oct 2007 21:13:08 +0000

Lorelei, let’s say I invite you to spend the weekend with me. We’ve discussed our lack of future, realized that a long-distance relationship is inconvenient, but still want to spend a few days ravishing each other. This is, as the saying goes, a no-strings-attached agreement.

When you arrive, I treat you like a princess. I take you places, I buy you things, I wine you, I dine you, I romance you, I sleep with you. Which is exactly what you came for.

Then you decide after the fact that this not just a weekend romance - I am the person you want to marry.

What exactly have I done wrong? I wasn’t “going through the motions”, I wasn’t making promises I couldn’t keep. I was having a wonderful weekend that we agreed to. And if she changes her tune and decides that she can’t handle that intimacy without commitment, it’s not because I was a bad guy.

To sum up: a man can be considered “wrong” if he actively lies to a woman. But he is not wrong for treating you well on a date, on a weekend, or at any other point in time.