Apr17
Women Are Racist
No, not really. But in John Tierney’s continued analysis of dating behavior, he cites some interesting studies that suggest that women are far less open to dating men of other races than vice versa.
Black women were the most averse to interracial dating, Asian women were the most open to it, and Asian men didn’t fare all that well.
I’m not going to hypothesize why - after all, I’m a dating coach, not a social scientiest - but this very much corresponds with what I’ve heard from clients.
With one exception. I’m a bit surprised at men’s openness to interracial dating. While I’ve personally dated women across the racial spectrum, I’ve only had a handful of clients who ever expressed preferences for women of other races. Then again, the demographics of my clients are probably a bit skewed towards upper-middle class white people.
Any readers with interracial dating experience care to weigh in?
Money quote:The researchers found that most women speed daters said yes (meaning they’d like to see a man again after the four-minute speed date) less often to men of another race than they did to men of their own race. Here’s how much less interested they were in the other races, as compared with their enthusiasm for men of their own race:
African-American women said yes about 30 percent less often to Hispanic men; about 45 percent less often to white men; about 65 percent less often to Asian men.
White women said yes about 30 percent less often to black or Hispanic men, and about 65 percent less often to Asian men.
Hispanic women said yes about 20 percent less often to black or white men, and 50 percent less often to Asian men.
Asian women didn’t discriminate much by race (except for showing a very slight preference for Asian men over black or Hispanic men).
Filed Under Online Dating Sites, Reviews & News
Read More...
Carrie Freeman Aug 24th 2007 at 04:32 pm 1
Inter-racial dating is the majority of what I have done since I began dating! I married a black man, who I am now (17 years later) divorcing, but the point is that I think the world is FULL of potential, why limit yourself?
Cam Sep 8th 2007 at 10:29 am 2
The pool of people they conducted the speed dating experiment on was hardly representative. As for men being open to dating all races, I would like to laugh long and hard about that one. I’ve given up on online dating because I was tired of seeing White/Asian, White/Hispanic or everything but Black in men’s racial preferences.
I did meet a White guy at a speed dating event who told me (after a couple dates) that I was the first Black person he ever dated and said he’d now be more open to dating Black women before breaking up with me (his militant sleep schedule and gardening obsession would have proved a strain had it gone on much longer). I doubt if every woman has the burden of being an ambassador for her race while dating, I’m at least glad I was a good one
m Sep 9th 2007 at 02:02 pm 3
A lot of Black women aren’t racist, and would welcome attention from men of other races (not just White men).
However, White men who don’t have the courage to take the “social risk” of dating a Black woman are bad relationship candidates for Black women who welcome the attention of all kinds of men.
TheObserver Oct 23rd 2007 at 01:36 am 4
Asian women are the RACIST females on the planet.
They allow themselves to be white washed and to hate their own race. Some only date only white males, even after repeated physical and emotional abuses.
Obviously you are rataing these women from the view point of a white male.
As for Asian males, what choice do they have, the white media has castrated them.
White media does its best to hype up the white male image and to discourage females from dating any other race of males.
singleinnewyorkcity Oct 23rd 2007 at 09:47 pm 5
i would have to agree with the observer. i have many asian women friends that date only white men specifically for the reasons stated above.
yuki chin Oct 24th 2007 at 08:34 am 6
Saying “I know people from group x who demonstrate this tendency and therefore am qualified to make a stupid generalization about all of group x” is the perfect way to stick your foot in it.
I am an Asian female who dates males of all ethnicities. My sister & I, my Asian girlfriends and - hell, even my non-Asian girlfriends - will date any man we find attractive, provided he has an open mind and doesn’t explain away his dating failures by blaming them on sociological patterns.
Again, this was a poll conducted on women willing to subject themselves to speed dating. This is hardly a representative sample.
polly Oct 24th 2007 at 08:47 am 7
I am Korean, and to date have dated:
1 Korean
3 white guys
1 Persian
1 Israeli
1 Brazilian
1 Sri Lankan
1 South African (black)
1 Panamanian (black)
1 Haitian/Dominican (black)
1 southern black man
1 Japanese
1 Japanese/Peruvian
2 Puerto Ricans
1 Lebanese Canadian
Guess that makes me an equal opportunity slut.
Collins Oct 25th 2007 at 07:47 pm 8
I, a white guy, would date a woman of any skin color/ethnicity, just so she has room for me in her life & views me as an equal partner, not an ATM, sperm donor or rescuer. But black skin would be frosting on the cake; a crush on Motown singer Tammi Terrell paved the way to my attraction to black women in general. I like how many of them wear thin braids throughout their hair (& I’ve seen a few white women wear their hair that way as well). I’d find a partner’s braids useful for stroking her (or my) forehead or cheeks.
Michael Ejercito Feb 16th 2008 at 11:43 am 9
And who might these women be? How were they identified? Was there a study of some sort identifying these women?
On a side note, many Asians are willing to consider dating whites because they live in places where whites outnumber Asians by 10:1 or more.
If white people turn down Asians 65 percent of the time, that means they accept Asians 35 percent of the time. This would mean that the ratio of the of whites willing to date Asians to Asians 35:10, a little over 3:1.
A-L Apr 5th 2008 at 02:10 pm 10
I’d be interested in knowing how much less likely men would be to date a woman outside of his race. I myself am the product of an interracial relationship, and I’ve dated men from all races. For me it’s more about body type than skin color. However, I’m on Match.com and many of the men specify white only, or will list Asian/Hispanic/Caucasian, or will list everything but Black. From talking with some people there’s a hypothesis that as a 27 year old female I would have a lot more winks/e-mails if I was white, rather than mixed. I hope this is not true, however.
hunter Apr 6th 2008 at 09:12 pm 11
There maybe, but, they don’t call it that, they say, they date within their league.
Eda Apr 7th 2008 at 05:57 am 12
My hypothesis is that woman “seem” less open to interracial dating than men because for woman, the unstated goal of dating is often a more permanent, long-term relationship. By contrast for men, dating is more likely to just be viewed as dating — with no vision of anything long-term per se. I suspect, however, if the question had been would you marry someone of a different race, the differences between men and women would have been less pronounced….a lot more men would not be open to marrying a woman of another race. So, would a guy date a woman of another race? Absolutely. Would he, however, marry her? Probably not. Please note, that I am not criticizing men or women. I am just stating why I think there are differences.
A-L, I am a 44 year old black woman on Match.com. When I first went on, I had no idea how many winks, emails, etc women typically received. So, as I averaged about 1 -2 a week. I just thought that’s how it was. It wasn’t until I started reading blogs like this that I realized I get nothing in comparison to what younger white women receive. Given that I do consider myself average-looking/moderately attractive, but not hideous, this news was certainly a blow to my ego. But, that’s the reality. Black women, in general, and older black women for sure, have very little value in on-line dating….that is if you judge value in terms of quantity rather than quality of responses. So, I think, as with most things in our society, if something is hard for white women, it’s even harder for black ones.
A-L Apr 13th 2008 at 06:51 pm 13
Thanks for your reply, Eda. I always find your responses well-written and enlightening. Too bad I wish you had cheerier news.
Eda Apr 14th 2008 at 03:03 pm 14
A-L,
Thank you. I find your responses thoughtful and helpful as well.
Don’t fret, A-L — there is a bright side to my news that I should have emphasized in my first post. Even though I don’t tons of replies, the ones I do get are typically from good guys, and I do go on an average of two dates a week — which really is about all I can handle. While I can’t say that I’ve met the man of my dreams, all the guys I have dated have been decent, honest, and respectful. I have no dating horror stories…no mean, bitter or crazy guys. So, while my ego might wish for hundreds of replies, the practical side of me can’t complain. Hope that makes you feel better!
Choeun Jun 5th 2008 at 04:09 pm 15
Asian women/White men same old story here. Its love. No racism involved, but considered what white society has done to your asian men. Is there any inclination of racism involved or do you think we live in a happy world where no racism exist, well with the exception of your relationship. Hey, come to the UK the whites are particular barbaric, and impose a systematic form of racism. They often insult asian men and leave the stupid chinese girls asking questions such as Im in love and thats all that matters. Ask a asian man living here that is exposed to racism and sniggering comments almost everyday. There is a trick over here, thats why white men have been so successful.
Rachel Jun 6th 2008 at 02:44 pm 16
I am a product of an inter-racial AND inter-faith marriage, and my parents are still together! Being of Asian/Caucasian/Polynesian heritage, no matter whom I date, it will be inter-racial.
I have dated many ethnicities, often guys who were mixed: Hawaiian/Chinese/Filipino/Spanish; African/Swedish/Tahitian; Lebanese/Native American/Irish; Cuban/French/Jewish. Also a purebred German; pure English; and pure Swedish — guys from Europe. Love ‘em all. I also have lots of mixed friends, as well as friends who are of just one ethnicity. In my opinion, children of mixed heritage are absolutely gorgeous — and I would love to see the day in which all of us just see people and not race or skin color.
As for Asian women being very open to interracial dating and marriage — look at the kids and you’ll stop wondering why. Gorgeous, gorgeous! Especially the daughters. My old flat-mate and his girlfriend are both Japanese/Irish, and their toddler is spectacular. She went with daddy to see a big surfing competition, and all the magazine photographers were snapping her up. She could model.
As for black women supposedly being against it — well, I don’t know about that one. One of my best friends (Mexican/Irish) is dating a black girl; and another good friend (Asian/Caucasian/Polynesian) is also dating a black girl. Some of the most beautiful men and women I have ever met were black mixed with something else. So, if there are a lot of non-dating Asian guys and Black ladies — hey, someone ought to hook up and make another Tiger Woods.
Rachel Jun 17th 2008 at 08:34 pm 17
Thanks everyone, for making it all so clear. Internet dating? Speed dating? You have all masterfully painted the picture of a few sane, healthy people drowning in an ocean of socially unskilled hypocrites: Women who would deign to accept a five foot four Asian M.D., but only if he makes $360,000 more per year than a six foot four, white felon. Guys rating a “2.5″ on a Hollywood scale, want a “10″ who doesn’t judge them for anything so shallow as income or hairline.
Got it.
Okay, I’m using a lot of hyperbole, but there could be no greater advocate for the “old fashioned” method of meeting folks (face to face) than this collective voice. But hey, whatever works you guys, go for it.
E Jun 17th 2008 at 10:14 pm 18
“White media does its best to hype up the white male image and to discourage females from dating any other race of males.”
Sometimes it’s a womans family that discourages a
woman from dating a man of a different race.
A woman might be afraid to date a man of another race
if her family threatened to disown her if she ever did
date/marry outside her race. Some families are very
cruel in that way.
I know of a family member who was disowned
because they dated and then married someone of
another race.
JerseyGirl Jun 18th 2008 at 05:15 am 19
“Guys rating a “2.5″ on a Hollywood scale, want a “10″ who doesn’t judge them for anything so shallow as income or hairline.”
—————————————————————————–
There is some truth in that. You always hear guys say “we like beautiful women, we are guys..we like sex, we are guys. We like a certain type of breast size..hair..age..we are guys…..and love us for our low paying, beer belly, burping, crude joke ways.” Why? Just for the simple fact that they are “men”. However, if women dare judge them for anything, we have entitlement issues and should “lower” our standards.
sugarbaby Jul 25th 2008 at 08:02 pm 20
as a african american man,who went to an all white school as a teenager in high school in the 80’s and couldn’t get a date to save me life, i resolved to never, ever let myself be like my narrowminded, bigoted classmates. i’ve been very lucky to have dated across the spectrum. i’m not so sure that men who say they have no problem dating women of a different ethnicity aren’t just out for sex. marriage is another thing altogether and i think men are more than likely to stick with “their own” if they want to have kids.
and i must say that i’ve found that most asian women on dating sites want to date white guys. i’ve seen profiles of women labeling themselves as exotic or “oriental delight”-no lie. so i feel for my asian brothers, who most likely have to compete with white guys all the time. of course, this habit of white men/asian women dating is endemic to the U.S.A.
The Reverend Terence Fformby-Smythe Jul 26th 2008 at 08:04 am 21
i wonder how many asian guys want to date white women.
Karl R Jul 26th 2008 at 02:09 pm 22
sugarbaby (#20) said:
“i’m not so sure that men who say they have no problem dating women of a different ethnicity aren’t just out for sex. marriage is another thing altogether and i think men are more than likely to stick with “their own” if they want to have kids.”
There’s probably something to this.
Part of this may be due to cultural reasons, not racism. I know a couple women from eastern Europe, and would be cautious about dating someone from that culture, even though they’re the same race as me. (One of the women has offered to set me up with her attractive best friend, so this is not a purely hypothetical exercise for me.) In that culture, families place enormous pressure on the women to get married. I don’t want to have to wonder whether a woman is marrying me just because of that pressure.
I’m currently dating an Indian/Filipino woman who grew up in middle-class America, just like me. When we first met, I thought she was Indian. This worried me a little, since I know that Indians frequently face a lot of pressure from their families to marry inside their own culture. When she told me that her father was Indian and her mother was Filipino, I realized that she wouldn’t receive that kind of pressure from her own family.
Child-rearing exacerbates any cultural (or religious) differences. Even though my family is rather dysfunctional, I still base my ideas on child-rearing on how my parents raised me. If I were at all interested in having kids, those differences would be of major importance to me.
Sahaja Jul 27th 2008 at 12:38 am 23
I think Eda makes a valuable point about women taking dating more seriously. I myself will date a guy of all reces, but as I get older, I sometimes wonder what would be a deal breaker in terms of marrying someone. Is there a point to dating someone long term if you both know it would never go anywhere due to cultural/religious differences? I dated a jewish man and a lebanese christian man and though both relationships were great, they ended because there was a disparity in who we date and who we marry - Namely, they had to marry someone of the same religion. And there is the next generation to consider as well - what will they be - not really race wise, bc thats not an issue, but religion is a big thing. I suppose it would be easier being Christian, since people of all races are christian - I think religion is a bigger issue in relationships than race.
As far as the asian women question - population wise there’s a whole lot of us! Abt a 1/3 of the world are asian, if not a bit more. I actually had no idea that we were more open to dating other races than women of other races ( say that 5 times fast =) ) - I just thought all women were the same in that. Being an asian woman myself, a lot of my friends and I have noticed a lot of interracial dating on both sides - men and women. I just never thought of it as an issue at all. However, I do wonder if the statistics are different for south and east asians.
In a way, its nice to date someone outside of your own race, because you open up whole new worlds to each other - Its a curiousity thing and its exciting and amazing. On the flip side, dating some one from your own culture - they have a unique understanding of where you come from that you never have to explain. So who kknows?
Sorry, this is way longer than I intended - but shouldn’t we also consider culture over race? I’ve found that UK guys, english or asian alike are more similar to each other than the same race in America.
Cilla Jul 27th 2008 at 08:37 am 24
I am white and have dated across the spectrum, but I have also come to the conclusion that I prefer darker men, whether African American, Aisian, or Latino. However, of that group, it is mostly African American men who are attracted to me. I was discussing this with a friend who has also fallen into the habit of dating almost exclusively black men. We both agreed that the African American men we had encountered were more open to a variety of body types and had a greater comfort with their sensuality than their white counterparts, which made them more attracted to us curvy types and made them more attractive to us (we happen to like men who are more sensual). Does this make us racist to draw generalizations from our experience, even they are positive ones? If I date only African American men, is that just another form of racism? I’m not asking facetiously–I’d like to hear what other people have to say.
To the Reverend: I’d have to say, I don’t see a lot of Asian men on dating sites, compared to other men. Since I’ve done searches looking for essentially non-white men, I would think they would show up if they were available. I’m not in a part of the country where there is a large Asian population, but even when I search nationally, I don’t get a lot of hits. When I do come across an Asian man, he is usually looking in a much younger age category (I’m 46 and they’re usually looking in the 30 and younger group, regardless of their age). I assume they are looking for someone who can potentially give them children–I’m not sure if there are any other cultural phenomena that account for this. Thoughts, anyone?
Michael Ejercito Jul 28th 2008 at 06:56 am 25
As far as the asian women question - population wise there’s a whole lot of us! Abt a 1/3 of the world are asian, if not a bit more. I actually had no idea that we were more open to dating other races than women of other races ( say that 5 times fast =) ) - I just thought all women were the same in that. Being an asian woman myself, a lot of my friends and I have noticed a lot of interracial dating on both sides - men and women. I just never thought of it as an issue at all. However, I do wonder if the statistics are different for south and east asians.
I wonder if Asians’ openness towards dating other races depends on where they grew up.